Belated Christmas With the Kiddos

Link to more photos. 

Along with some acrostics:

Excellent at making legos.

Demon Slayer fan.

Wants to go skating with Grandpa Nathan and Nana Lisa.

An amazing, caring and patient big brother. 

Really good at explaining how to play games, such as Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza.

Dances with glow sticks.

Friendly and loving to other people. 

Really loves dancing and gymnastics.

Always kind to animals.

Nature lover like her mama.

Nail technician extraordinaire. 

Interested in sewing clothing.

Excellent at styling hair and making bracelets.

Willing to listen to Pirahnas Don’t Eat Bananas over and over again. 

Identifier of chickens and their personalities.

Loves telling silly knock knock jokes. 

Likes building. 

Interested in cooking, chemistry and crafts.

Able to read books to Nana Lisa.

Mixes up random ingredients to see what will happen sometimes.

Great at climbing.

Interested in helping make meals. 

Nature loving kiddo.

Not letting feeling sick keep her from smiling and having fun with her family. 

Interested in books, which makes Nana Lisa (the librarian) very happy.

Excellent at keeping up with her older siblings.

And the kiddos made this one:

Nice to everyone.

Apple colored lipstick

Necklace helper.

Amazing storyteller

Loving

Igloo person (because I'm of Swedish heritage and rarely feel cold)

Silly

Awesome 

Holding on to Hope

We do our work with vision. And we do our work with hope. 

We who are foster care advocates will have days of disappointment. We will weather waves of grief over those we have lost, and those we worry that we are losing. 

We will also have experiences that fill us with deep, fierce - and, in that moment, fearless - joy. 

There will be times when we are able:

• To witness a wrong that we experienced and be a force in that moment for making things better. 
• To empower the formerly voiceless and listen to the amazing and powerful things that they have to say, and the recommendations and solutions that they have to offer. 
• To help plan and facilitate impactful opportunities, and witness the synergy of bringing others together. 
• To see the smiles on their faces and feel the warmth of love fill our heart. 
• And so much more.

Let those moments imprint themselves upon your heart. Capture them in photographs. Hold them tight in your heart and remember them when a day seems dark and the world feels full of apathy. 

We - have - hope.

Belated Thanksgiving With The Kiddos

 Link to more photos.

Edward's birthday gift

Edward making LEGOs

Frannie and Carly

William: "I can chew my hair now!"

Ginny loving her ice cream.

The most beautiful, useful and timely gift I have received all year

 

If...

Childhood abuse and abandonment - and the wound of perfectionism

Reading this insight about how perfectionism is an inner wound that begins in childhood reminded me of my favorite quote since college by H. S. Kushner about not having to be perfect to be loved:

Our lives create a ripple effect...

Advocacy: Creating the Things We Wish Existed

This quote captures part of the heart of advocacy: Creating the things we wished existed. Throughout the ongoing history of Ohio foster care youth and alumni advocacy from 2006-now, this has happened in so many beautiful, powerful ways. 

The creation of the OHIO YAB, ACTION Ohio, the Ohio Reach intiative, and the Columbus State Scholar Network. The establishment of the Bridges program, the Columbus Scholar House for Former Foster Youth, and the Youth Ombudsman Office. 

Creating and orchestrating events and opportunities, such as cooking classes, statewide life skills and leadership events, self care summits, Statehouse Days, Three Days on the Hill, College for the Day, COTA bus scavenger hunts, and Thanksgiving Together gatherings. 

And so much more…

Sometimes creation comes with complications. Sometimes there can be a “willful forgetfulness” that youth have authored something. Sometimes barriers come up regarding access to a resource that youth themselves created. Sometimes, by the time. young leaders create something, they themselves are unable to access that resource due to eligibility barriers: “I’m too old now.”  Sometimes amazing resources - like HEMI - are “sunsetted,” without ever providing an adequate reason why. 

We continue to move forward and we continue to to create powerful, beautiful things. Because the need is there - and we can see it. Because the solution is there - and we can find it. Because the resource is needed - and it MUST be created.

Advocates are artists.

Hubby Love

It’s interesting to me to think about how my personal timeline intersected with our national one. In 1999, the year I met the man who would become my husband, this federal act was passed. And it was the Chafee Act that prompted states to create Youth Advisory Boards, as well as making other services and resources possible. 

What Is To Give Light Must Endure Burning

Something I’ve been pondering lately is how foster care advocacy work can intersect with both primary trauma and secondary traumatic stress. 

We had a training at the library recently, and the trainer said:

• We need to normalize compassion fatigue and secondary traumatic stress as part of our work.
• It would be inhuman if we learned about and experienced such painful things and had no emotions about it or didn’t care. 

The next step is figuring out what to do, to care for ourselves when that happens. Not IF. But WHEN.

Thinking About the Loss and Legacy of Pat McCollum

Patricia McCollum (Ms. Pat) was an Ohio child welfare trainer and a foster and adoptive parent. She fostered over 100 children, and was the type of advocate who always showed up to support. Above are photos of her at the 2010 and 2012 SW Ohio Thanksgiving Together events in Cincinnati.

In the words of one caseworker:

"The first time I met Miss Pat was after midnight when I showed up at her door with the most difficult client of my career. He was a 13 year old boy with a horrific past, had just been removed from his Nth foster home, and his only options for the night were the office, the psych ER, or this random foster mom’s house. Miss Pat said yes without hesitation and agreed to keep him as long as he needed. To my knowledge, she never said no to a child if she had an empty bed."

In the words of another: 

"I have personally worked with several young adults that were from her home. Ms. Pat treated every child in her home as family and that didn't stop when a child left her home. The whole McCollum family embraced the foster community and children. This is a great loss for everyone touched by her and for the whole community."

Statistics Don't Come From A Vacuum

Negative foster care statistics do not come from a vacuum. They are positively and negatively influenced by systemic factors. This chart provides examples. 

Decisions made in a vacuum are those that are made without the necessary data, information, or knowledge. They may also be made without the right people with the right perspectives, experiences, and influence.

It's important to consider the context of data when making decisions. For example, the educational outcomes of foster youth are impacted by systemic factors such as:

• 5 school changes on average
• Delays in enrollment
• Credits not transferring
• Never the same textbook
• Hard to catch up on work
• Some youth have IEPs
• Trauma undermines learning
• Delays in permission slips
• Feel discouraged; too far behind

A Fourth Loss: Kimberly Rhyan

The Columbus State Scholar Network is in my heart this week. This beautiful, loving community has lost three irreplaceable people in one year. 

Kimberly Rhyan created such a ripple effect everywhere she went that she literally inspired her own oncologist’s office. 

The seeds she planted with the Scholar Network have grown into oak trees with deep roots. Her work with the former HEMI program (which needs to return and/or inspire a similar program) will also always be treasured and remembered. 

Three Losses in One Year

It is raining in my heart today...

The state of Ohio has lost three foster care alumni this year:

• In March, we lost Alexis Smith.
• In June, we lost Jerri Braswell. 
• This week, we lost Nikki Chinn. 

We will weather through, as we always do -- but it's important to acknowledge that we have had so many losses within one year.

Footprints on the Road

Those of us who "age out" of foster care, kinship care, residential, and disrupted adoptive placements aren't just trying to build our futures, and make things better for others.

We are also working to put together the pieces of each of our pasts. This is a big deal - and this is a big journey.

Years have passed, but, as a big sister of the foster care system, I still remember this personal journey so clearly. I didn't purchase a car until after college and graduate school. I didn't want to spend money on the bus, and I liked exercise, so I walked everywhere.

There is a road in my hometown that I traveled so many times during my college and graduate school years that it should have my footprints on it.

As I walked up and down that road, puzzle pieces from my past would often come up in the form of memories, and I would jot them down on pieces of paper. So, not only was I getting from one place to another, but I was also quilting some of the patchwork pieces from my past together.

How A Bill Becomes a Law At a State Level

 

Click to enlarge

Link to handout.
Link to tree swing diagram, which reflects the legislative process.

Family Privilege Vs. Experiencing Abuse and Neglect

 This needs to be talked about more often:

Click to enlarge

Trampoline Park with the Kiddos

We spent three hours there. 

Link to more photos. 

Let's keep moving mountains, stone by stone

Loved my time spent with Nikki Chinn painting rocks on Friday, August 2, 2024. 

When the Ohio foster care youth and alumni movement first started in 2006, my signature line was: "It is possible to move a mountain by moving small stones."  These are some of the stones that we are working to move this fall... 

Stay turned for progress on seeking to ensure that youth safety is the North Star, that youth concerns aren't screened out when they reach out to child abuse hotlines, and better protections for youth who run away to escape abusive situations.

Hope is an essential ingredient in advocacy

We do our work with vision. 

And we do our work with hope. 

We who are foster care advocates will have days of disappointment. We will weather waves of grief over those who are lost, and those we worry that we are losing. 

We will also have experiences that fill us with deep, fierce - and, in that moment, fearless - joy. 

There will be times when we are able:

• To witness a wrong that we experienced and be a force in that moment for making things better. 
• To empower the formerly voiceless and listen to the amazing and powerful things that they have to say, and the recommendations and solutions that they have to offer.
• To help plan and facilitate impactful opportunities, and witness the synergy of bringing others together. To see the smiles on their faces and feel the warmth of love fill our heart. 

And so much more. Let those moments imprint themselves upon your heart. Capture them in photographs. Hold them tight in your heart and remember them when a day seems dark and the world feels full of apathy. We - have - hope.