Biological Families and Air Mask Analogy

Does this statement sound familiar?

"In the event of an emergency, please secure your own breathing apparatus first before placing one on the person next to you."

When young people "age out" of foster care without being connected to "forever families," they often have nowhere to turn in times of crisis during young adulthood other than their biological families.

However, the issues that led to their being placed in foster care in the first place, such as abuse or addiction, are often still unresolved.

During the 2007 It's My Life conference, Jenny Vinopal, Correy Kitchens, Nayely Araiza and Cynthia Chavez led a workshop entitled: Biological Parents and College Students from Foster Care: Roles, Relationships, and Recommendations.

This workshop was based on the premise that family-of-origin issues can negatively or positively affect the college success of youth from foster care.

Workshop participants were given puzzle pieces that didn't match - in order to demonstrate the difficulty that is sometimes experienced in reuniting with birth families after aging out of foster care.

One presenter shared that when she was in college, her biological mother found out about the stipend and grants that she was receiving and started relying on her daughter to financially support her.

This issue is all too prevalent in my state.
1. A young woman who feels obligated to financially support her (physically abusive) stepmother because of promise that she made to her father while he was on his deathbed.

2. A young man who gave away the laptop he received to his sister and said that he "lost it."

3. A young woman who keeps taking needy people into her apartment, regardless of their inability and/or unwillingness to pay their share of the rent. This situation reminds me a lot of myself at her age.

What's the Solution?
I am currently working on designing a workshop titled: "When Helping You Is Hurting Me."

Premise:
- It is vitally important for young people to develop healthy boundaries.
- When young people first age out of care, trying to save everyone around them right away can be like a drowning man trying to keep other people afloat
- Peer support can be helpful; being with other people from a similar background who are working to create a positive life for themselves and who care about each other

Strengths:
- Young people aging out of foster care have a powerful sense of urgency
- If they invest in personal development in order to personally survive, they can achieve the goals they have for their future
- Part of those goals will undoubtedly be wanting to give back.

But trying to give back right away can cost us in the long run.

Message to Survivors of Foster Care: "Please put the air mask on yourself first. It might feel selfish at the time - but it is NOT selfish! You have the passion, power and perseverance to see this through.... but first, you need to SURVIVE.

"It is okay to do that right now. It is okay to heal personally. It is okay to surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you.

Do you know why? Because if only you can make it through this hurdle and build into your own personal financial, emotional and educational resources, you will have SO MUCH MORE to offer others when you are on your feet. "

Project Visitation reconnects siblings in foster care

Heii Anderson of Keiki Photography took this picture. Judge Browning is the gentleman in the red tie.

It is estimated that 80% of people living in the United States today have siblings. The sibling bond is one of the most lasting relationships most people have.

Siblings influence one other’s development in very important ways. When parents are neglectful or abusive, older siblings often voluntarily take on a quasi-parental role.

For many children, losing contact with their brothers and sisters is the most difficult part about being in foster care, because they have lost their entire family.

Research has demonstrated that siblings who are placed together in foster care tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems than those who are placed apart.

In Hawaii, Project Visitation was created to maintain sibling relationships by coordinating regular visits that give foster children an opportunity to spend time with their siblings and strengthen their bonds and connections to one another.

It is not known how many siblings are separated in foster care in Hawaii, but national statistics estimate the number at 75 percent.

Historical Background
In 2001, child abuse had reached unprecedented levels in Hawaii. Child protective service workers were overwhelmed by the large volume of complaints and investigations. In Oahu, cases rose from 130 to 200 a month and their sexual abuse caseload doubled.

90% of cases involved drug abuse, particularly crystal methamphetamine.

CPS workers felt as if they were under siege. At the time, there were only 184 child welfare workers statewide. Burnout and the lure of better-paying, less stressful jobs were wooing them elsewhere, leading to a high rate of staff turnover.

With all of these other things going on, facilitating sibling visits was not CPS workers’ first priority.

Judicial Involvement
Family Court Judge R. Mark Browning spearheaded Project Visitation. Whenever he gives a talk, he emphasizes the importance reuniting siblings who are placed in separate foster homes.

Established in April 2001, Project Visitation represents a joint effort between Volunteer Legal Services Hawaii, Na Keiki Law Center, the Family Court, Hawaii Foster Parents Association and the Department of Human Services.

The project started on a “shoestring budget.” It is now funded by the Hawaii Court Improvement Project, and has been assisted in its efforts by a $10,000 grant from the Weinberg Foundation.

“The Human Services Department "has kept the level of bureaucracy to an absolute minimum to allow this to go forward," Judge Murray says. “We want kids to have an opportunity to interact with each other.”

How does it work?
- Judges in Hawaii mandate visitation when siblings are separated
- Social workers refer cases of separated foster siblings to the program.
- Volunteers support this mission by bringing siblings together for monthly visits. Each volunteer dedicates 6 hours per month.
- The agency provides volunteers with resources, such as money, car seats, tickets, lunch vouchers, coupons or other items to offset volunteer expense
- The department loans out its eight-passenger vans for the visits
- Community organizations have also planned events for the children to participate in, such as magic shows, trips to the zoo, days at the beach and football games.

"It is such a model public-private collaboration. I can't speak enough about it," said Amy Tsark, Child Welfare Services administrator. "It really supports the foster kids without burdening the social workers."

Sources
Altonn, Helen. Program rebuilds family bonds of children separated: Project Visitation offers joint activities for children separated in the foster care system. Honolulu Star Bulletin, May 28, 2002.
Altonn, Helen. Rise in drug abuse, economics strains push isle child abuse levels to highs; officials say caseloads are overwhelming investigators. Honolulu Star Bulletin, Nov. 25, 2001.
Bank, Stephen and M.D. Kahn. The sibling bond. Basic Books, 2003.
Hawthorne, Lillian. Sisters and brothers all those years: Taking another look at the longest relationship in your life. VanderWyk & Burnham, 2003.
Schooler, Jayne. What parents need to know when siblings are separated. Bergin & Garvey, 2002.

Separating Siblings In Foster Care

Meet Kayla Pettit, 16 years old.

When she entered foster care at eight years old, she was separated from her siblings.

She didn't see her sister again for six years. And as of this date, she has never been in contact with her younger brother again.

It wasn't the state who brought Kayla and her sister back together. Terri Bailey, Kayla's foster mother, took the time to figure out which social worker was handling the case, and contact them. Afterwards, Terri witnessed the tears and joy that took place at Kayla and her fifteen-year old sister's reunion.

Kayla Pettit is one of about 50 Iowa foster youth in a group called Elevate, which empowers teens to educate the public about foster care and adoption. Its members were recently asked to choose and pursue the most important thing that they would like to change about foster care.

They responded by lobbying state lawmakers for legislation that would legally guarantee children the right to visit each other if there's no choice but to divide them up into separate foster homes.

A draft of the bill states:
- If children are not placed together, the social worker will have to explain why not to both the child and the judge.
- If siblings are not sent to the same home, they will be allowed to visit each other.
- Foster parents will be required to attend training on the importance of sibling relationships.

If this legislation is passed, Iowa will be one of the few states in the nation to have such a law. Most states report that they *try* to place siblings together and arrange visits already.

As the director of the Middleton Center for Children's Rights has stated, "The young people we've worked with are saying states need to do more than try. They want to know why they're not being given regular visitation with their siblings, and they think foster parents need training to make sure those visits happen."

I would add that some social workers might need sensitivity training in this area as well.

In many abusive and neglectful families, older siblings serve as caretakers of younger ones. For younger children, their older sibling may be the only nurturing figure they have ever known.

It's not as if we haven't known about this problem for a long time.

As Gordon Johnson, chief executive officer of Chicago-based Jane Addams Hull House Association firmly stated back in 1998, “When we split up foster children from their brothers and sisters, we are taking away the only connection they still have to people they love. This pain literally drives children crazy.”

He added that, “If the siblings are split apart, they don’t have an opportunity to grow and change together."

For more information about Elevate, please visit: www.elevate2inspire.com

To see a video about previous legislation that Elevate has prompted, please visit: http://www.jimcaseyyouth.org/whatsnew/spotlight/spotlight24.htm

Sources:
Editorial: Keep siblings together in foster care: Change Iowa law to make that a priority. Des Moines Register, Feb. 13, 2007.
Jacobs, Jennifer. Keeping foster siblings together. Des Moines Register, Feb. 11, 2007.
Phillips, Christopher. Foster-care system struggles to keep siblings together. APA Monitor, Vol. 29, No. 1, January 1998.
Shirk, Martha. Iowa youth work the corridors of power - and their advocacy pays off. Jim Casey Opportunities Initiative.

Update on the H.A.Y. Center

Victor Gonzales, now a photographer, trying to capture the moment.

Previous blog entry on the H.A.Y. Center:
Sunshine Girl On A Rainy Day: One-stop-shopping for emancipated foster youth

Recent update:
Victor, one of the wonderful former foster children that I met at the 2006 It's My Life Conference, has been reunited with his sister and brother!!

Please see this article: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/4470404.html