Currently in the United States, adoptions are being promoted as the “cure” for foster care, and a panacea to all permanency issues. And yet, across America, there are a growing number of adoptions that dissolve after finalization.
The highest disruption rate is for children who are adopted as teenagers.
Also at higher risk are:
- Children who are separated from their siblings.
- Children who have been sexually abused
- Children who have been adopted before and that adoption failed
The term ‘disrupted adoption’ sounds like it was coined in order to minimize the emotional impact. It brings to mind phrases like: “The television program was disrupted by a commercial break,” or a teacher saying to her class, “Be quiet. I will tolerate no more disruptions!”
Perhaps it’s a subtle way to assign blame to the child. Could it be a lingering accusation of insubordination? Does it imply that the child is an intruder, disrupting the customary order of their adoptive parents’ household?
A friend of mine who was adopted from foster care was recently reading a blog entry from an adoptive parent whose complaint was: “I guess we just thought that we would love him sooner. He is obviously crazy about us, but I just find myself coming home from a long day at work, and wishing he would calm down.”
My friend looked up from the article and commented, “It sounds like they were looking for a puppy.”
Prelude to a Loss
A series of stages have been identified by the University of South Maine that often lead to adoption disruption. First, the adoptive parents become frustrated with the child’s behavior and begin questioning their choice to adopt. They start complaining about the child to other people.
Hopefully the adoptive parents have surrounded themselves with a support group to both comfort and challenge them regarding their parenting skills. It is normal to feel overwhelmed after an adoption, just as many parents go through an adjustment after their child’s birth.
When I became a stepmother, I remember that the transition to ‘instant parent’ wasn’t easy. It took time to define the roles in our relationship, to build trust and to set limits. I knew that it wouldn’t always be easy, and it wasn’t. But I also knew that when I chose to marry my husband, I was making a lifelong commitment to his daughters as well.
Adoption needs to be perceived as a serious commitment. A child is not a defective product. A child cannot be taken out on a trial run. You can’t have buyers’ remorse, and then take that child back for a refund.
And yet, prior to adoption disruption, adoptive parents allow themselves to fantasize about what it would be like if this child were no longer a part of their family. Finally, they issue an ultimatum to the child.
The Aftermath
Most articles about disrupted adoption focus primarily on the emotions of the adoptive parent. But what does it feel like to be the child, undergoing that level of rejection?
For children and teenagers who have experienced disrupted adoptions, this experience impacts both their personal identity and long-term survival.
They often wind up in limbo:
1.) Their birth certificate has been permanently changed. It is now inaccurate, because it has been rewritten to state that their adoptive mother gave birth to them. They aren’t allowed to have a copy of their original birth certificate without approval from both parents. In fact, they aren’t allowed to have personal documents, such as their (doctored) birth certificate, until they are 21 years old.
2.) Not only can they not rely on their former adoptive families, they are no longer legally related to their biological siblings. An adoptee explained it to me like this: “We are brother and sister, but on paper, it looks like we aren’t even related. I can’t even be his next of kin.”
3.) As they transition to adulthood, they are often unsure of how to fill out their taxes or the federal student aid application for school. They are asked to “prove” that their adoption was legally disrupted. If their adoptive parents have simply abandoned them, as happens all too often with teenagers, they can’t.
These transitioning young adults are unable to receive benefits such as ETV funds, because they were adopted and the assumption is that their adoptive parents – who have been receiving adoption subsidies for their care – are financially providing for them.
This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the "limbo" that adoptees whose adoption has been "disrupted" can experience... Think about international adoptees who wind up in the United States foster care system.
Recommended Policy Changes
Adoption agencies should be held to the standard of full disclosure. Research has demonstrated that parents who understand beforehand about a child’s previous physical or sexual abuse are less likely to disrupt the adoption. Sometimes, such as in the case of international adoption, there might not be a lot of information available. However, inasmuch as it is possible for an agency to fully inform adoptive parents about a child’s background, they should do so.
Screen adoptive parents’ motivations and expectations. Is the adoption based primarily on the needs of the child or the adoptive parent? Many people adopt due to their inability to conceive. Sometimes disruptions occur because parents feel entitled to some wonder-child that they’ve been imagining and the child doesn’t meet those expectations.
Training for adoptive parents should include the “what if” scenarios. What if you adopt a child, and discover that child has been sexually abused? Adoptive parents should be prepared in advance, and encouraged to create a financial and emotion safety net in the event that a child might need residential care.
Facilitate an atmosphere of trust, by allowing the child contact with loved ones. An adoptee shared with me her experiences on the day of her “Goodbye Visits” prior to her adoption.
During the course of one day, she had to say goodbye to her birth family, the foster family with whom she had been staying for years and her brother. That day was the most horrific day of her life.
Three months later, her new adoptive parents were upset that she didn’t want to call them “Mom” and “Dad.”
The term Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me nervous because I believe it is a diagnosis that is given too quickly. This label makes it easier to underestimate the resilience of an adoptee and to magnify their problems. It makes it easier to blame the adoptee when things go wrong.
Imagine if someone came to you and said, “You are going to enter the witness protection program. You need to go and say goodbye to all the people that you have ever loved. You can no longer have any contact with them. It is for their safety.”
In a witness protection scenario, national security might be at stake. But whose needs are being met when an adopted child is denied contact with loved ones from their past?
When I asked my friend why her adoption meant that she was denied contact with every person that she had ever loved, her explanation was, “Adoptive parents are insecure, especially with older kids. That’s why the government allows them to cut all ties.”
I believe that if her former foster family was safe enough to place her with during the interim, she should have been allowed to maintain contact with them. If she was allowed sibling visits prior to the adoption, they should have been continued afterwards as well.
I would like to invite readers to weigh in on this issue…
Showing posts with label adoption reform. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption reform. Show all posts
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday, November 09, 2007
Celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month
Postcard from www.fostercarealumni.org
November is National Adoption Awareness Month, reminding us all to be aware of the 114,000 children in the United States who are waiting to be connected with adoptive families.
This year's theme is Adopting Teenagers from Foster Care. Teens in the foster care system are statistically the least likely to be adopted - yet they need love and stability as much as children.
As a former foster child and current stepmom to two teenage girls, I can testify on many levels that the teenage years are challenging, and that providing emotional support and physically stability is vitally important.
How can you make the most out of National Adoption Awareness Month?
- Learn more about the Adoption Incentives Program and the Promoting Safe and Stable Families Program.
- Participate in Local Events.
- Contact your State Adoption Specialist.
Additional activity options are listed on the Adoption Month Calendar.
This year's theme is Adopting Teenagers from Foster Care. Teens in the foster care system are statistically the least likely to be adopted - yet they need love and stability as much as children.
As a former foster child and current stepmom to two teenage girls, I can testify on many levels that the teenage years are challenging, and that providing emotional support and physically stability is vitally important.
How can you make the most out of National Adoption Awareness Month?
- Learn more about the Adoption Incentives Program and the Promoting Safe and Stable Families Program.
- Participate in Local Events.
- Contact your State Adoption Specialist.
Additional activity options are listed on the Adoption Month Calendar.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Will the Fostering Adoption to Further Student Achievement Act be retroactive?
My friend and her sister were adopted by a couple who also adopted two other sibling groups (making six adopted children total in their household).
Then, this couple divorced --- and in the aftermath, neither has stepped up to the mat to support my friend during her college years. Will the Fostering Adoption to Further Student Achievement Act apply to her? Is it retroactive?
My friend is 20 years old, and a sophomore in college -- and she is facing these challenges on her own. I wonder if this legislation will or will not apply retrospectively to her?
On July 20, 2007, the Higher Education Access Act of 2007 passed the Senate by a vote of 78-18, increasing college access and affordability by boosting financial aid.
The Fostering Adoption to Further Student Achievement Act, was introduced by Senators Norm Coleman (R-MN) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA) to amend the Higher Education Access Act. It is intended to encourage the adoption of older children by not forcing a teenager to choose between a loving family and financial aid.
Current law allows youth who "age out" of the foster care system to qualify for virtually all college loans and grants, while essentially penalizing those who are adopted.
The Coleman-Landrieu amendment expands the definition of "independent student" as defined in current law to include youth in foster care who are adopted after their tenth birthday. This allows a student's financial aid eligibility to be determined solely by that student's ability to pay, regardless of his or her adoptive family's income level, since many families who adopt teenagers and pre-teens may have done so without being able to shoulder the entire burden of college tuition.
"Education and a loving family are two key components of a child's mental and emotional development. No child should have to choose between the two," said Senator Coleman.
"Under current law, adopted teenagers lose out on some or all college financial aid for which they would otherwise have been eligible, depending on his or her adopted parents' financial situation. I applaud the Senate for passing our amendment to alleviate this discrepancy and encourage teen and pre-teen adoption."
"It is unacceptable for students to receive less financial aid merely because they were adopted," Senator Landrieu said.
"Restricting the financial aid opportunities of adopted teens unfairly penalizes them simply for seeking the love and stability that only a family can offer. This amendment corrects such unwise law by allowing adopted children to receive the financial help they need to attend college and realize their full potential."
Source: Press release by the National Foster Parent Association
Then, this couple divorced --- and in the aftermath, neither has stepped up to the mat to support my friend during her college years. Will the Fostering Adoption to Further Student Achievement Act apply to her? Is it retroactive?
My friend is 20 years old, and a sophomore in college -- and she is facing these challenges on her own. I wonder if this legislation will or will not apply retrospectively to her?
On July 20, 2007, the Higher Education Access Act of 2007 passed the Senate by a vote of 78-18, increasing college access and affordability by boosting financial aid.
The Fostering Adoption to Further Student Achievement Act, was introduced by Senators Norm Coleman (R-MN) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA) to amend the Higher Education Access Act. It is intended to encourage the adoption of older children by not forcing a teenager to choose between a loving family and financial aid.
Current law allows youth who "age out" of the foster care system to qualify for virtually all college loans and grants, while essentially penalizing those who are adopted.
The Coleman-Landrieu amendment expands the definition of "independent student" as defined in current law to include youth in foster care who are adopted after their tenth birthday. This allows a student's financial aid eligibility to be determined solely by that student's ability to pay, regardless of his or her adoptive family's income level, since many families who adopt teenagers and pre-teens may have done so without being able to shoulder the entire burden of college tuition.
"Education and a loving family are two key components of a child's mental and emotional development. No child should have to choose between the two," said Senator Coleman.
"Under current law, adopted teenagers lose out on some or all college financial aid for which they would otherwise have been eligible, depending on his or her adopted parents' financial situation. I applaud the Senate for passing our amendment to alleviate this discrepancy and encourage teen and pre-teen adoption."
"It is unacceptable for students to receive less financial aid merely because they were adopted," Senator Landrieu said.
"Restricting the financial aid opportunities of adopted teens unfairly penalizes them simply for seeking the love and stability that only a family can offer. This amendment corrects such unwise law by allowing adopted children to receive the financial help they need to attend college and realize their full potential."
Source: Press release by the National Foster Parent Association
Saturday, December 16, 2006
More on KY's quick-trigger adoptions
Definition of beaurocracy: An administrative system in which the need or inclination to follow rigid or complex procedures impedes effective action; e.g. innovative ideas that get bogged down in red tape and bureaucracy.
As mentioned in previous blog entries, Kentucky social workers have alleged that the Cabinet inappropriately removes children from their homes and expedites state adoptions, motivated by federal funding, e.g. women who enter homless shelters due to domestic violence in Kentucky lose custody of their children.
Complaints have been levied by Kentucky Youth Advocates and the National Institute on Children, Youth and Families.
A 12-member adoption panel, chaired by Cabinet for Health and Family Services Commissioner Mark D. Birdwhistell... can you see a conflict of interest here? I can... has reviewed the process and practices leading to termination of parental rights and adoption in Kentucky's child welfare system.
Their goal was to identify areas of improvement and propose legislation for the 2007 General Assembly. Basically, there needs to be fairness and consistency in custody termination.
What proposals have they made?
1.) Take more efforts to locate family members (such as the biological father) before putting child up for adoption; something that is not being done now
2.) Give parents an attorney and let them know that their child's custody is at stake
3.) Give court-appointed attorneys and guardians ad litem a raise (this initiative has been unsuccessfully suggested in 10 other statewide panels over the past 30 years)
4.) Require that family judges and attorneys attend training specifically about foster care and custodial termination (I wholeheartedly agree that this training shold be mandated).
All of these improvements will need to be approved by the General Assembly. If they are not approved, they are basically 'dead in the water.'
Definition of 'dead in the water:' Not going anywhere or making any progress, e.g. The crippled ship was dead in the water. With no leadership, the project was dead in the water.
Meanwhile, Kentucky State Auditor Crit Luallen has released a performance audit of the states adoption process from foster care. The Cabinet for Health and Family Services... again, can you see the conflict of interest, it's difficult for a beaurocracy to audit itself... issued a news release saying the audit would offer "general recommendations" for improving the adoption process.
Conversely, Crit Luallen's audit indicated that "Kentucky should make adoption a higher priority." Here is a direct quote: "The Commonwealth has an interest in making adoptions a favorable choice for Kentucky families." A financial interest, yes.
I don't want children to languish in foster care. If their biological parents cannot and will not care for them, I have no problem with putting them up for adoption.
What troubles me is the financial interest that the Cabinet has in facilitating speedy custodial terminations. The state receives a bonus of $4,000 for each adopted child, and more if the child has special needs. I will link to my previous blog entry on May 7th for your convenience.
Sources
Honeycutt-Spears, Valarie. Auditor to report on adoption, foster care practices today - Quick-trigger adoptions alleged. Lexington Herald-Leader, Dec. 14, 2006, City & Region pg. C4.
Honeycutt-Spears, Valarie. Panel wants Kentucky's adoption laws changed: Focuses on parents' rights. Lexington Herald-Leader, Dec. 15, 2006, City & Region pg. C1.
As mentioned in previous blog entries, Kentucky social workers have alleged that the Cabinet inappropriately removes children from their homes and expedites state adoptions, motivated by federal funding, e.g. women who enter homless shelters due to domestic violence in Kentucky lose custody of their children.
Complaints have been levied by Kentucky Youth Advocates and the National Institute on Children, Youth and Families.
A 12-member adoption panel, chaired by Cabinet for Health and Family Services Commissioner Mark D. Birdwhistell... can you see a conflict of interest here? I can... has reviewed the process and practices leading to termination of parental rights and adoption in Kentucky's child welfare system.
Their goal was to identify areas of improvement and propose legislation for the 2007 General Assembly. Basically, there needs to be fairness and consistency in custody termination.
What proposals have they made?
1.) Take more efforts to locate family members (such as the biological father) before putting child up for adoption; something that is not being done now
2.) Give parents an attorney and let them know that their child's custody is at stake
3.) Give court-appointed attorneys and guardians ad litem a raise (this initiative has been unsuccessfully suggested in 10 other statewide panels over the past 30 years)
4.) Require that family judges and attorneys attend training specifically about foster care and custodial termination (I wholeheartedly agree that this training shold be mandated).
All of these improvements will need to be approved by the General Assembly. If they are not approved, they are basically 'dead in the water.'
Definition of 'dead in the water:' Not going anywhere or making any progress, e.g. The crippled ship was dead in the water. With no leadership, the project was dead in the water.
Meanwhile, Kentucky State Auditor Crit Luallen has released a performance audit of the states adoption process from foster care. The Cabinet for Health and Family Services... again, can you see the conflict of interest, it's difficult for a beaurocracy to audit itself... issued a news release saying the audit would offer "general recommendations" for improving the adoption process.
Conversely, Crit Luallen's audit indicated that "Kentucky should make adoption a higher priority." Here is a direct quote: "The Commonwealth has an interest in making adoptions a favorable choice for Kentucky families." A financial interest, yes.
I don't want children to languish in foster care. If their biological parents cannot and will not care for them, I have no problem with putting them up for adoption.
What troubles me is the financial interest that the Cabinet has in facilitating speedy custodial terminations. The state receives a bonus of $4,000 for each adopted child, and more if the child has special needs. I will link to my previous blog entry on May 7th for your convenience.
Sources
Honeycutt-Spears, Valarie. Auditor to report on adoption, foster care practices today - Quick-trigger adoptions alleged. Lexington Herald-Leader, Dec. 14, 2006, City & Region pg. C4.
Honeycutt-Spears, Valarie. Panel wants Kentucky's adoption laws changed: Focuses on parents' rights. Lexington Herald-Leader, Dec. 15, 2006, City & Region pg. C1.
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