The struggle of never quite feeling worthy of love

Two things stood out to me about this year's Thanksgiving Together events...

1. ) I love that My Very Own Blanket created trees for both dinners, so that participants could sign their leaf and be ironed on, and more leaves could be added each year. 

 Two quotes stood out to me from this weekend: 

• "We might not have our families, but we have this family."
• "This is the one time a year that I feel safe and secure and like I belong."
  
  

2. The other was what Jenny Stotts wrote on her leaf about being worthy of love. She wrote: "You are worthy of love, not for your doing. You are worthy of love simply because of your being."  

That is a tough one for me, and I know that it is for many of my siblings of foster care care system as well. We have learned at an early age that love, support and safety are not guaranteed. We have weathered neglect, abuse, and lack of affection. 

While entering into young adulthood, it can feel like we have to earn EVERYTHING. Even after all these years, and all this work, it is still far too easy to end up homeless after foster care. 

I love that our Chosen Family Tree keeps growing, and that we can continue to work together for better. I think we are going to have to remind one another that love isn't contingent on being perfect as well. 

I write this as someone who aged out of foster care early. I was admitted into college at age 16, and legally emancipated. I was homeless within a year. I moved into a Methodist dorm for cheap rent, and ended up finding my first family. 

But even after that, when I finished graduate school and got my first job, I couch-surfed for a while until I could afford my own apartment. Transitions aren't easy. Lack of family support doesn't just go away. 

Signing off with a quote that resonated with me in college, and that I still (often) have to remind myself of today: 

“When I was young, I thought that I had to be perfect for people to love me. I thought that if I ever did something wrong, their love would be withdrawn…

We need to give ourselves permission to be human, to try and to stumble, to be momentarily weak and to feel shame but to overcome that shame with moments of strength, courage and generosity.” -H. S. Kushner, You Don’t Have to Be Perfect To Be Loved.