Yesterday (her son) disobeyed, and he was put in a time-out and lost his screen time:
He took this piece of paper and he drew a very small circle and he said, "This is how much I love you." Then, he took another piece of paper, and drew large circles to represent all the other people he “loved more” than me.
I picked up the first piece of paper, with the tiny circle, and said, “I understand you are upset with me because of what’s happening but this is how much I love you even though I’m upset with what you did.” I drew a very large circle covering the whole page.
His eyes widened, his tight shoulders released, and his face relaxed into a smile. He took a moment, and then drew an equally large circle and said, "This is how much I really love you - and I’m sorry I didn’t do what you asked - and I’m sorry I ate the cookies”.
I realize that even though he misbehaved, he inherently felt shame and he reacted in anger towards me instead of accepting what he had done. When I responded with reassurance that I still cared about him, he felt safe again and took responsibility and moved forward.
Just thought I would share this moment, because when I drew my circle I didn’t expect the response from him that he gave, I just wanted him to know that his mistakes in childhood would never change my love, for him and that every one of us needs to accept what we do and take responsibility -- but that’s so much easier when you know you are supported and loved.
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