Five Foster Care Posts for New Visitors

I have been tagged by Nicki Mann from They're All Our Children for a meme.

The idea is to point out five of my previous posts that I think are especially important, and would recommend for a first-time visitor to my blog to read...

Here goes:

Foster children are first and foremost children -- and the desires of our hearts are like that of any other child...

1.) Our personal belongings are important to us, and when we have to travel from one place to another, our possessions should be carried in suitcases, rather than garbage bags.


2.) We love our siblings, and being separated from our siblings is painful.


3.) If we are sad about losing everything that we have ever known, your first response should not be to dull our pain with drugs.
4.) When in doubt, please listen to us. We have a lot to say.


5.) Please give us opportunities to share our talents and give back to our community.

We have a lot to offer... which is a subject that I plan to cover in my next blog entry!

Postcards included in this entry are part of the Culture of Foster Care Project... To see more, please visit Foster Care Alumni of America.

What are the arguments for and against family-centered practice in foster care?

Traditional social work services typically focus on the individual and are provided in an office setting.

In family-centered practice, the social worker goes to the family's home and/or community, in order to work with the family as a collective unit. The idea is that both the foster and birth parents are recognized as having a continuing place in the child’s life and are accepted as equal partners in the treatment process.

Is Family-Centered Practice Perfect?
I was recently asked to come up with a list of pros and cons of family-centered practice in the child welfare system.

The first thing that I found interesting is that if you Google this subject, you will find nothing but praise for family-centered practice when it comes to foster care. It is the latest trend, it seems, the cure-all, the panacea.

I guess it's the inner cynic in me that rejects the idea of a magic bullet that somehow works in each and every situation. There is no magical formula for families that break down. Sometimes biological parents are willing and able to change, sometimes not. There are varying levels of emotional investment between parent and child.

A one-size-fits-all approach does not work for children in foster care. It depends on many factors – like why child entered care in the first place.

But I have yet to find a resource listing both the positives and negatives of family-centered practice, when it comes to foster care.

Here is what I have so far... I welcome reader input on this issue!

Pros:
· Looking at family environment: The underlying tenet of family-centered practice is that people can be best understood within their environments. An ongoing family assessment can lend a lot of information regarding child safety if he/she ever returns to their biological parents.

The primary goal (on paper at least) is child safety.

· Empowering foster parents: There is wisdom in listening to their insights on child behavior. Foster parents should know the child better than the social worker, because they spend more time with the child.

Cons might include:
· Listening to the biological parent voice when that voice is not in the best interest of the child:

One foster care alumna recently shared with me that her bio-mom was the best of friends with her social worker. Her bio-mom was allowed to control her contact list - who she could visit or talk to. Her mom misused that privilege…

Her aunt was willing to adopt her, but because her mother and aunt didn’t get along, she wasn’t allowed to have contact with her aunt. In this instance, family squabbling was allowed to stand in the way of this foster child's chances to achieve permanency.

· Physical risk to social workers: When social workers step out of their offices and into the homes of families in crisis, they run the risk of an assault. More than 50% of the social workers surveyed reported being physically assaulted at work.

The current solution offered by National Association of Social Workers is security training. However, let's be frank here, if a birth parent has a weapon, the social worker can end up dead.

· Insisting that foster parents and birth family stay connected. Couldn't this insistence can put foster parents and even their biological children in danger?

· The unwavering idea that, despite family problems, parents remain experts on their own youth. Hmm... This really varies.

Was my friend M's father an expert when he offered her up to a male friend in exchange for drugs? How attuned could he possibly be to her personal needs while he was offering her up to service a stranger so that he could get a quick fix?

Inviting Input from Readers:
The family-centered approach is founded on the unwavering idea that families can change. However, I am against prioritizing family preservation above the safety and best interest of the child.

Would we ask a domestic violence victim to have regular visits with her abusive ex-husband? Does a father who repeatedly sexually abused his daughter for years deserve to have the right to decide to whom she can talk on the phone?

I want to invite reader input: I know that there are social workers and child welfare professionals who read this blog.

Please tell me more about the pros and cons of family-centered practice from your point of view. I want to learn more...

Lending A Hand to Worldwide Child Protection

Hands can hurt
and hands can heal.

Hands can be raised in prayer,
raised in agreement
or raised in anger.

A hand can pat you on the back with encouragement,

or it can grip your shoulders and throw you against the wall.

Hands can reach out to you to take something that you can never get back.

But hands can also be instruments of love, comfort and healing.

Hands are being raised across the world in preparation for National Child Protection Week. These hands will be part of an international flag of commitment, pledging to do our part to make the world a friendlier place for children. The flag will fly in Cairns Australia during the week of September 2 - 8, proudly waving handprints from all over the globe.

My hand is raised to pledge my commitment to supporting the needs of people in and from foster care. It represents my vow to advocate for their voice to be heard, and to stand alongside of them, creating a collective voice.

My hand is raised in hope that what has been broken can be rebuilt, and what has been hurt can heal. Sometimes it takes years – but children from fractured families can eventually find a family of their own.

I found my first family in my friends in college and built my second when I married my husband and became a stepmother to his two children. Now, I have a third family in terms of my “siblings,” other alumni of foster care.

Finally, my hand is raised in a plea for balance in making decisions about the futures of young people in foster care. We cannot allow finances to determine child placement. We cannot worship theories, and use one method in every situation – because, with child protection, there is no “one-size-fits-all approach.”

There is no magical formula for families that break down. Sometimes biological parents are willing and able to change. Other times, children who are forced to stay with abusive parents die or are forever scarred -- physically or emotionally -- by their parents' actions. The bottom line is whether or not the child and their siblings are safe.

"Having a place to go – is a home.
Having someone to love – is a family." - Donna Hedges

"A house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul." - Phillip Moffitt

Laying the groundwork for a statewide independent living survey

SAMPLE: Young people ages 17-23*, residing in licensed public / private foster and group home facilities in 10 counties across the state.

*We will be focusing on cases in AFCARS data... which unfortunately does not include kinship care placements. And, logistics dictate that the survey of youth who have already aged out of care will be done through a random sample of ETV recipients, for this initial study.

COLLABORATION: This survey will be most useful if it is a collaborative effort including the statewide Youth Advisory Board, statewide public and private foster care agencies, statewide independent living association and the state chapter of Foster Care Alumni of America.

Each group has insights to offer in terms of: questions to ask, method of asking questions, logistics of surveying, usability of information – reporting out and using results.

PREPARATION:
1.) Compile a list of independent living coordinators in each county and find out how many counties have after-care coordinators.

2.) Schedule a conference call with organizations listed above to invite them to partner on this project.

3.) After identifying the independent living experts in each county, they should be invited to participate in a conference call as well.

BACKGROUND:
An examination of the current county level of funding for independent living services divided by the number of youth in care in each county has revealed that the money is indeed being dispersed fairly and equitably to each county. The discrepancy lies in how this money is being spent to help young people who are public wards of the state.

Independent living services differ greatly by county. Some young people have reported receiving a lot of guidance and support, while others report receiving none.

PROPOSED TIMELINE:
1.) OCT - DEC 2007 – Identify independent living specialists in each county.

2.) JAN - MARCH 2008 – Analyze type of independent living services provided, annual budget, amount of staff, number of youth served, barriers/challenges to providing services.

3.) APRIL - MAY 2008 – Random sample of foster home and group home providers, knowledge of services available and barriers/challenges to accessing services.

4.) JUNE - AUG 2008 – Youth questionnaire: types and amounts of IL services provided, perceived usefulness, knowledge of available services, barriers/challenges to receiving assistance and support.

I think the best part of this proposed research project is the fourth step: eliciting feedback from young people in and from foster care. We are the "consumers" of the child welfare system -- and professionals can learn much from our insights and experiences!

Testimonials from other former foster children

What worked for us:

1.) Seeking higher education

- "Get an education, it may be very easy, or it may be very hard. Some may need to recuperate from the time spent in care first. And some may be ready to hit college immediately."

- "I went to college right away. Though in retrospect I didn't know enough about what I wanted to study, I needed those years to learn to take care of myself."

- "I started college and stayed in school, even during a period of homelessness. I went straight on to grad school. Being in college was like my second childhood, and my friends there were my first real family."

2.) Financial aid (Pell Grants, student loans, graduate internships, work-study)

- "Financial aid, and also getting a job right away in freshman year - it was definitely not glorious, working in the school cafeteria, and there were some terrible nights that I had no money for dinner and had to throw out enormous quantities of unpurchased food, but it taught me to work for my keep and also the value of money, because I knew how long it took me to earn it back."

- "Jobs on campus where I could study (working night desk at a girl's dorm, working day desk at a basketball dorm, working the info desk at the campus student center)."

3.) Developing a network of restorative relationships

- "I learned how to depend on people. I think most of us who have ever experienced foster care had to grow up real, real fast. We needed to learn to be independent and strong much earlier than most of our peers…

- "With age, we are all expected to become more and more independent and so it became even harder for me to ask for help.

- "I had to learn that I wasn’t perfect and that I couldn’t do everything by myself. My life became so frustrating and lonely and desperate at times that I would cry and then hate myself for crying."

- "Luckily, I have friends who are always reaching out for me and helping me when I don’t even ask for it. They wanted me to depend on them… and as I learned to depend on them, that’s when I realized that with dependence comes love. You can’t love a person if you can’t depend on him or her."

4.) Finding your roots and/or developing new ones

- "Try to keep your relationship (or reconnect) with your siblings. They are the only ones that are able to stand by your side and say yes, x, y and z happened and we made it through. Celebrate the triumph of making it out with a bunch of scratches (visible or not), but still having made it out."

- "I thank God for my friends… they have done so much for me. During the breaks when the dorms are closed, a number of people were willing to take me in. I don’t have a real permanent address and when I didn’t have any money to pay for rent some place, I still always had a place to stay, even during the summer. I am incredibly lucky."

- "I joined a fellowship and a church. To tell you the truth, I don’t even consider myself a Christian yet, but the relationships I’ve made in church and small group are truly special. I have never been so content with my life before, and it’s because of the people praying for me and loving me because they believe that God loves me."

5.) Making peace with the past

- "Acceptance, accept that x,y and z is what the situation is. Now what will you do about it? Sit and cry and be full of anger, pain, resentment or stand up and say I refuse to become another statistic. Give yourself time, but not too much time. This one was has been a tough one for me but I've slowly have begun to move on and accept that eh, what is is and I can't change the past..."

- "I went to therapy. It’s funny because I hated therapy when I was in foster care and it never worked for me. But healing finally began now that I was on my own. For years, I blamed myself for everything that happened through the years… I guess I needed to grow up a little to realize that I was only a child."

- "Forgiveness, plain and simple. You will never forget, but you need to forgive to move on. Otherwise you are like a ball of rubber bands about to pop."

- "I made amends with my biological parents recently. I needed to be at peace with them in order for me to move on. I needed to accept and even appreciate who they are, accept the past, accept the present… all this in order to hope for a better future."

- "I made good use of my experiences. I volunteer at a hospital and spend my time there mostly with children with cancer. I also joined a service club and have interacted with all sorts of people. I find these opportunities very rewarding and I feel that my experiences with diversity, my setbacks, my familiarity with loneliness and fear and wanting to be loved… has allowed me to relate to people better and really care for others."

What didn’t work for us:

1.) Constantly trying to rescue others

- "Trying to save people from their bad habits when they weren't willing to put in the work on their own behalf. I kept thinking that maybe they were like me, and needed someone to step in and give them a hand up. It's not always the case."

- "As the oldest child, I burdened myself to “save” my family. For the longest time, I had been carefully planning out what I would do once I was free and on my own… and when I couldn’t meet my expectations, I tormented myself for not being good enough or trying hard enough to save my brothers, who are still in foster care."

- "Bad choice in roommates: She stole from me, got us repeatedly evicted. Yet I thought only I could save her. I thought that because she was from the same group home that I had been, that we were the only ones who could help each other. I was 17 years old - and I was stupid."

- "Just because someone is in pain, it does not mean that staying with them even if you are miserable is your responsibility."

"If your lover controls your money, social life, friends, contact with family... i.e. you cannot do those things freely... it will stay that way until you do something to change it."

2.) Defining ourselves as unloveable

- "A common thing that I have found with other former foster kids is that we struggle with feeling loved, special or wanted; Always wondering or doubting whether we have some sort of meaning, value... a purpose."

- "Even if it's with a spouse, or extended family or with people that say they love you... you still always have that doubt in the back of your head. And because of feelings of abandonment and being "given up" on, I think that's one of the biggest struggles."

- "People will meet your standards. If you expect very little from others... i.e. little respect, little love, little compassion, they will meet your standards. If you expect love, respect and kindness, you will receive those things."

- "Everyone has shame in their hearts. It just doesn't always come from being unwanted, unloved, undesirable. Everyone has their pain; yours was just delivered in a different package."

3) Taking on more than we can handle

- "KNOW yourself and your limits and what stresses you are capable of handling and what stresses and situations that could arise that could screw you up more."

- "The pain from the emotions will hurt so bad at times where you feel like you can't breathe. Be prepared for that and make sure that you take care of yourself. Basically, you will have to be your own parent."

4.) Over-share or under-share

- "Be prepared to feel awkward and scramble to come up with something to say when someone asks you about your real family or where you came from."

5.) Trying to escape through drugs/alcohol

- "If getting high/drunk/etc. are the best things you look forward to in life, you need to figure out if you want to be a drug addict or alcoholic for the rest of your life. If not, it's time to start making a plan."

*Please note: These are insights shared by former foster children who are now current members of Foster Care Alumni of America.

Legal representation for young people in the child welfare system

The United States spends one hundred billion dollars each year on the protection of children. There are six million allegations of abuse and neglect annually, leading to approximately 1500 deaths each year.

An estimated 70% of children who enter the child welfare system wind up in long-term foster care until they are legally emancipated. Their childhood is largely spent going in and out of various placements, depending upon what court proceedings determine is in their “best interests.”

The American Bar Association defines a child’s attorney as: "a lawyer who provides legal services for a child and who owes the same duties of undivided loyalty, confidentiality, and competent representation to the child as is due to an adult client."

Children in the child welfare system have a vested interest in their personal safety, as well as a right to be provided with safe living conditions --- and these fundamental liberty interests are separate and distinct from the interests of parents, guardians or the state.

Unfortunately, children in abuse and neglect hearings often do not receive quality legal representation that allows them equal access to justice so that their voices are heard in a court of law.

- In 1967, the Supreme Court first recognized children’s right to counsel during legal proceedings.

- In 1974, Congress passed the Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA), mandating that states appoint a guardian ad litem for children who are subject to abuse and neglect proceedings.

Court-appointed special advocates (CASA) and lay Guardians Ad Litem (GAL) can be valuable sources of support for young people, but they cannot substitute for independent counsel for the child.

- In 2006, First Star conducted a nationwide analysis of child representation laws, which revealed glaring anomalies in the legal representation provided for children.

According to First Star’s National Report Card on Legal Representation for Children, there are glaring anomalies in the legal representation provided for children.

While some locations do a good job, most do not, and the quality of assistance provided for children depends largely upon the zip code in which the child happens to live. In some cases, economically disadvantaged states do a better job than more affluent ones.

Meanwhile, because “Best Practices” are not shared with the vast majority of the country, it is as if they did not exist. Due to a lack of oversight and shared expertise, individual jurisdictions do not learn from the successes and failures of their peers.

Minimal direction by federal statutes has allowed states to interpret the law and construct their own models of practice. The duties and responsibilities of attorneys for children are not clearly defined. States don’t even use the same statutory language.

I agree with the authors of this study, who believe that each state should:
1.) Provide a competent, independent attorney for every child in child welfare proceedings.

2.) Mandate child advocacy training and hold child attorneys accountable

3.) Require that this attorney advocate for the child in a client-directed manner

4.) Give the child notice and allow the child to be present at legal proceedings

5.) Specify that juveniles have the right to continuous counsel by the same lawyer at all proceedings

I share their hope to initiate a national Call to Action, promoting laws to require consistency in providing trained, qualified, client-directed legal counsel to child victims throughout the nation.

We need to identify and highlight Best Practices across the nation regarding legislative, professional, judicial, sociological and governmental behavior towards abused and neglected children.

For more information, and to see how your state measures up, please visit: 

http://www.firststar.org/documents/Final_RTC_2nd_Edition.pdf

Sources:
First Star’s National Report Card on Legal Representation for Children, 2006.
Bob Fellmeth, Child Rights and Remedies, 2002.

The Unusual Suspects is a nonprofit organization of professional artists in Los Angeles that works with young people, ages 12-21, in the area's foster-care and juvenile-justice systems.

They provide 6-12-week youth performance workshops, during which volunteers help underserved kids from foster care and the juvenile justice system write and perform an original play.

These programs are provided for group homes, juvenile halls, gang intervention programs and youth residing in foster care.

Because the Los Angeles County Arts Commission approved the Unusual Suspects' curriculum and agreed that it meets the state's education standards for the visual and performing arts, participants in juvenile dentention facilities can receive community-service credit to reduce their probation time.

The Unusual Suspects also has an ever-expanding alumni program of young people mentoring one another and coaching each other’s transition back into the community.

Testimonials:

- "There are no gangs up here on this stage. We're a family. We've done some things we regret, and we have to stop killing each other." – Youth performer from the group’s first show at Central Juvenile Hall.

- "I was locked up in a juvenile-camp facility. The Unusual Suspects came to the camp and did a presentation. It was an improv, and I thought it was funny. I like humor. I was interested." - 17-year-old former resident of the Los Angeles County Probation Department's Camp Gonzalez, in Calabasas, California.

- "My high school did not have an arts program -- there was no theater, no space to dance, and no place to really write." – Alumna of the program.

- "A lot of the kids are shy, or some have a little chip on shoulder, for whatever reason. They don't know what to expect. What's great is seeing them come in with an attitude of 'I don't know why I'm here, and I don't care,' and then take on the responsibility of a whole show they wrote. It transforms them into leaders." – Richard Morgan, alumnus of the program who now works as paid program coordinator for the nonprofit organization.

Not only does this program support academic skills, such as literacy, theater education and public speaking, it increases social consciousness as well. Anger management skills are learned during the program. Youth participants who come from different races and gang affiliations must cooperate with one another in order for performances to be a success.

Racial tensions were the catalyst for the group's creation according to its founder, actress Laura Leigh Hughes. "It came out of the riots in Los Angeles in 1992. I wanted to try to do something about racial tension and racial intolerance. I've always felt that youths were affected the most by these issues, and I wanted to find a way to empower them and give them a voice."

The Unusual Suspects are currently seeking volunteers for upcoming youth performance workshops in Los Angeles and San Bernardino counties. All volunteers must attend an orientation and undergo a background check.

For more information, please visit: http://www.theunusualsuspects.org/

Sources:
Baedeker, Rob. There are no ganges up here on this stage: A Los Angeles theater group helps kids in the juvenile-justice and foster care create dramas of their own design.

From Foster Care to the Presidency

Some readers might recognize Adrian McElmore from my previous post:
Sunshine Girl On A Rainy Day: Meet the president of O.H.I.O. Youth Advisory Board

Here is the video he created for the My Story Project to share his voice with Congress:

Tristen says, Don't drug me for being sad. I lost my family.

Foster Care Resources Online

Annie E. Casey Foundation offers grants to help states, cities and neighborhoods more effectively meet the needs of at-risk children and families. www.aecf.org

Casey Family Programs is dedicated to provide and improve foster care. Their site offers valuable resources and free workshops. www.casey.org

Casey Family Services offers foster care for children, as well as post-adoption, preservation and reunification services for families. www.caseyfamilyservices.org

Child Trends is an independent, nonpartisan research center dedicated to improving the lives of children and their families. www.childtrends.org

Child Welfare Information Gateway promotes the safety, permanency, and well-being of children and families by connecting child welfare, adoption and related professionals as well as concerned citizens to timely, essential information. www.childwelfare.gov

Child Welfare League of America is an association of nearly 800 public and private nonprofit agencies that assist more than 3.5 million abused and neglected children and their families each year with a range of services. www.cwla.org

Connect for Kids offers information and tools to learn about issues affecting children, families, and communities, and to take action to improve policies and programs. www.connectforkids.org

FYI3 provides foster youth between ages 14 and 23 opportunities to become involved, informed and independent in their transitioning journey towards adulthood. www.fyi3.com

FosterClub introduces young people in foster care to successful former foster youth, offers them opportunities to send in opinions about their experiences, offers contests, events and helpful publications. www.fosterclub.com

Foster Care Alumni of America connects the community of former foster children into a collective voice to create positive transformation within the child welfare system. www.fostercarealumni.org

Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative is a national foundation whose mission is to help youth in foster care make successful transitions to adulthood. www.jimcaseyyouth.org

National Foster Care Coalition is a partnership between 40 national and local organizations to improve the lives of young people in and from foster care. www.nationalfostercare.org

National Independent Living Association supports youth and young adults during their transition into adulthood and self-sufficiency. www.nilausa.org

National Mentoring Partnership promotes, advocates and serves as a resource for mentors and mentoring initiatives nationwide. www.mentoring.org

National Network for Youth serves the needs of runaway, homeless, and other disconnected youth through advocacy, innovation and services. www.nn4youth.org

National Resource Center for Youth Development helps states and tribes achieve the goals of the 1997 Adoption and Safe Families Act and 1999 Foster Care Independence Act. www.nrcys.ou.edu

PEW Commission on Children in Foster Care was established in 2003 to develop recommendations to improve outcomes for children in the foster care system. www.pewfostercare.org/

Promising Practice Network for Children, Families & Communities is dedicated to providing quality evidence-based information about what works to improve the lives of children, youth, and families. www.promisingpractices.net/

Public/Private Ventures is an action-based research, public policy and program development organization. www.ppv.org

Vera Instititute of Justice works closely with leaders in government and civil society to improve the services people rely on for safety and justice. www.vera.org

Can you blame him?

Photo from spiritofamerica.com

On April 1st, 2006, Spirit of America celebrated International Orphans Day in Basrah by giving presents to 250 orphaned children and 80 widows.

After reading the previous blog entry, can you blame this young man for gripping his present as tightly as he can?

Orphans in Bagdad

Photo from cbsnews.com





Welcome to an orphanage in Bagdad, where 24 special-needs orphans were found tied to cribs.

Originally, boys and girls were housed together, but then someone separated the boys and sent them to an orphanage with no governmental oversight.

Witness their condition:
- Naked
- Starving
- On the concrete floor
- Lying in their own waste
- In temperatures up to 120 degrees

Was the orphanage poor?
No, it was well-stocked with food. The central office of the facility was well-kept, in stark contrast to the feces-ridden squalor surrounding the children. Brand-new cribs found in storage still had plastic covering their unused mattresses. Clothing was folded neatly, designated to be sold at the black market, rather than worn by children.

But the caretaker of the facility followed his greed, rather than caring for the children with whom he had been entrusted. Staff members cooked only for themselves.

What will be the future for Iraqi orphans?
As a CBS reporter has commented, "How a nation cares for its most vulnerable is one of the most important benchmarks for health in any society."

Last year, the United Nations estimated that there were about 40,000 orphan children in Iraq. That number is steadily rising... The current war has cost many children one or both parents.

In Iraqi culture, orphans are often scorned. Islamic sharia law forbids foreigners from adopting Iraqi children. It also disallows Iraqis from giving adopted children their family name and inheritance.

I would like to know if there is any way around this. Even in the best of the Iraqi orphanages, the children within are starving for love and attention, desperate for human contact. During an NBC interview, one little girl called the cameraman "Daddy."

Without loving intervention, these children might grow up to be future terrorists. Quammara al-Janni, coordinator of orphan programs through the Red Crescent (the Arab Red Cross), reminded reporters that Saddam Hussein was raised as an orphan.

Breakdown in families, breakdown in communication
In April 2007, while working to reunite family members, social workers discovered that 100 Iraqi street children thought to be orphans (86 boys, 33 girls) actually had family members somewhere in Iraq who were willing to take them in. In most cases, the parents had died, and children didn't know how to contact relatives.

This might be an important first step to take: Trying to reconnect children with extended family members in Iraq...

Sources:
Engel, Richard. Iraqi orphans face uncertain future. NBC Nightly News, May 26, 2006.
Logan, Lara. Clinging to life in a Bagdad orphanage. CBS News, June 18, 2007.
Potter, Beth. Social workers launch effort to find homes for orphans, others. USA Today, May 31, 2005.
Street orphans of Bagdad: Thousands of homeless kids live on the street in the war zone, without shelter or aid. CBS News, May 8, 2007.
Tarabay, Jamie. Help for Iraqi orphans falls on charities. NPR, April 8, 2007.
Troops discover Iraqi orphanage nightmare. CBS News, June 19, 2007.

Speaking of my previous blog entry...

This postcard was created by a former foster child, as part of the Culture of Foster Care Postcard Project by Foster Care Alumni of America.

Today, I led a workshop for a group of twelve teenagers in foster care. It was the first in a series of four workshops led by myself and three other former foster children designed to give young people a voice and prepare them for the various aspects of life after they age out of care.

The majority of attendees were 16 years old.

One young lady in my workshop raised her hand and asked, “How would you feel if someone came to the place where you were staying and asked her to tell you all about yourself when you had just met her?”

Her desire was for this person — her new caseworker — to be patient and earn her trust in some way, before demanding personal information.

Revealing deeply personal information to strangers or acquaintances is a risky venture. In my previous blog entry (and during the workshop), I mapped out a Circles of Intimacy Diagram that promotes regulating self-disclosure based upon levels of trust.

When you offer deeply personal information to strangers, even if that person is your caseworker, you are making yourself vulnerable to the unpredictability of their response. What you share will them will undoubted wind up in your case file, and depending upon the opinion of the caseworker, what is written might be skewed in various ways.

For the young person in foster care, getting a good social worker is like winning the lottery. Some caseworkers are caring, resourceful and empowering. Others are underpaid, overworked, and overwhelmed.

Most are trained to make instant judgments and to categorize young people. Those labels stay in that person’s case file and can continue to follow them until their file is closed.

1.) What do you think about the pros and cons of case files? What is helpful about them? What do you think about their accuracy?

2.) How well do you think the foster care system is doing at preparing young people to develop healthy relationships as adults?

Strategic Sharing for People in and from Foster Care

In preparation for several upcoming statewide workshops for young people preparing to age out of foster care, I created the above diagram to convey the different levels of relationships.

One of the challenges for young people in/from foster care is developing personal boundaries.

- How much can I share? - Who should I share it with? - Will they be too overwhelmed? - Who can I tell?

People in the inner circle have often earned the trust necessary for deeper vulnerability.

Revealing deeply personal information to strangers or acquaintances is a risky venture.

For current/former foster children, the journey toward wholeness often involves bouncing between one extreme or another.

- Over-share vs. under-share. - Total independence vs. victim mentality. - Too vulnerable vs. invulnerable.

These extremes are understandable, but in the long-run, they can prove to be unhealthy, and even dangerous.

In a private venue, with people in the inner circle, you can be vulnerable and figure out the meaning and significance that your experience has for you...

In a public venue, with people in the outer rings of the circle, you might need to explain why you are sharing your experience and connect it with your purpose for sharing.

Why might you share your experiences privately?
- To make sense and meaning out of our lives
- To open ourselves up to personal growth

Why might you share your experiences publicly?
- To put a human face on social issues and inspire others to action

My friend Misty created an excellent resource on strategic sharing. She wrote, "At its best, sharing personal stories can educate, inspire and make a real difference. At its worst, it can feel manipulative, exploitive or lead to harmful consequences."

What are the risks of public / private sharing?
- People might discredit you or write you off; assuming that you "have issues"
- People might assume you are playing the victim and want something from them
- People might try to take advantage of you (if I had a dollar for every guy who offered

Self-disclosure is a lot like clothing
Do you really want to bare yourself naked in front of strangers? If the level of disclosure is imbalanced, regardless of how effective your presentation might be, you might leave that venue feeling exploited. Bringing up certain memories can be painful.

Questions to ask yourself ahead of time:

1.) Strategic Sharing: What is my purpose for sharing? What do I want people to learn from my story? Some details make a story compelling and memorable. Others might come back to haunt you later on.

2.) Measured Disclosure: Which details am I willing to share? What do I choose to keep private? Would I mind if my words were recorded in print, or retold by another person?

3.) Generalize the Issue: If the subject gets too personal, or questions from the audience seem overly prying and make you feel uncomfortable, respond with statistics about the BIG picture.

4.) Connecting with Others: How will the audience be able to relate to your story? Consider inviting the audience to share personal information of their own.

As Danielle pointed out in the previous "comments" section, entering the adult world is challenging for many people, not just alumni of foster care.

When in doubt, share your story with people you trust (people from the inner circle) before "going public." Ask a trusted mentor if they think you are establishing personal boundaries in order to protect yourself.

Source:
Stenslie, Misty and Cynthia Scheiderer. Strategic Sharing: Drawing on Personal Experience to Educate and Influence, May 2006.

A circle of support helps teens age out of foster care

Since young people aging out of foster care lack the “roots” relied upon by young people from intact families, they will need to work to create and recreate support systems of their own.

I created this diagram of examples for teens in the foster care system to consider while preparing to age out of care.

According to Children’s Rights, half of the young adults between the ages of 18 - 24 in the general population live at home with their parents. Most people within this age group rely upon their families for assistance with a place to live, financial support and other guidance as they transition to adulthood.

Meanwhile, 20,000 foster children "age out” of foster care each year, and enter the adult world.

We can make it. We can survive.

But because we often lack the "roots" relied upon by our peers, we will need to build the skills to create and recreate a circle of suport for ourselves.

This is the first step... stayed tuned.

What are the "whys" behind these statistics?

This week, I met a young man who had moved to my state from California. He was Latin American. His English was broken; his family even more so. He was 19 years old, and had been out on his own since he was 14.

Afraid of entering the California foster care system, he had joined a gang and they became his substitute family. However, by moving several states over to obtain a lucrative construction job, he had now lost contact with his friends, and was looking to make local connections.

He asked me to look up his gang and see if they had any local presence in my city. They did not (and I was secretly glad about that fact). Then, he asked me to look up his family members – but his surname did not appear in any online phone books or databases.

“Oh, I know why!” he said, “It’s because they are illegal.”

According to research, 81% of young children of immigrants live with a non-citizen parent, and almost 50% live with an undocumented parent. If those families break down, it’s hard to find a safety net in this strange new country.

Newly published research from Urban Institute's Child Welfare Research Program reveals that Latin American immigrant children are three times more likely to enter the foster care system because of sexual abuse.

When I read this information, my first question was, “Why?”

1.) Is it because Latin American immigrants are afraid to report abuse in other cases, because many immigrant households are made up of both citizens and non-citizens, and they fear government scrutiny?

That must be a tough decision to make: Save a child and be deported. Stay in this country and allow a child to suffer. Add that to distrust of the United States foster care system, and you have a recipe for secrecy when it comes to neglect and physical abuse.

In fact, as a whole, Latin American children are under-represented in the U.S. foster care system, in contrast with other minority groups which tend to be overrepresented.

2.) Are these children unaccompanied minors? Runaways are more vulnerable to sexual abuse because they are older, unsupervised and need basic necessities like food and shelter.

3.) Does this higher statistic point to the commercial sexploitation of children? According to John Miller, the U.S. Ambassador, as many as 17,500 men, women and children are trafficked into the United States each year.

Once Latin American immigrant children enter foster care, it is unlikely that they will be placed with relatives (8%). Nor will the state where they reside be reimbursed by the federal government for helping them. Title IV-E funding is the largest source of federal support for state welfare services – and, due to federal restruations, only 5% of Latin American immigrant child are eligible.

Source: Child Welfare Research Program: Identifying Immigrant Families Involved in Child Welfare Systems, Findings from Texas, 2007.

An accurate description of the stigma of foster care

Changing...Moving...Growing....: Something I wrote about the stigma attached to foster children....

If he beats you, he won't make a good Daddy

Photo of Eva Mauldin - I was inspired to write this blog entry after visiting the StarFish blog (please see bottom link on the right)...

It is tragic that some women feel that they must stay with their husband, even if he assaults them, and that they cannot forsee the risk to their children.

19-year-old Joshua Mauldin had been dishonorably discharged from the Army and had a history of mental problems before he married Eva and she gave birth to Ana Marie. Still, Eva never suspected that her husband would put her daughter in the microwave and burn her alive.

The interview with Eva Mauldin revealed that her husband had assaulted her prior to the baby's birth. At the time that Ana Marie was born, Joshua was in counseling, and had completed his mandatory anger management classes. Eva had been required to attend parenting classes as well.

Research from the 90's reveals that domestic violence and child abuse often occur within the same families. Child welfare and domestic violence organizations have begun to recognize the overlap between domestic violence and child abuse and the need for collaborative efforts between the two fields.

Domestic violence perpetrators often directly injure children:
- A weapon used against the mother strikes the child in her arms.
- A child tries to defend the abused parent and winds up becoming the target of the abuser's rage.
- An abuser intentionally abuses a child in order to intimidate and control their adult partner.

Domestic violence hinders parenting:
- The physical demands of parenting are daunting for spouses who have been awake all night fighting.
- The emotional demands of parenting can overwhelm an abused spouse suffering from trauma, damaged self-confidence, and other emotional scars caused by years of abuse.

Domestic violence affects child development:
- Infants can suffer from failure to attach to caregiver and "failure to thrive."
- Preschoolers can regress emotionally, and suffer from nightmares and other sleep disturbances.
- Older children react with depression, anxiety and/or violence towards peers.

To learn more about the overlap between child abuse and domestic violence, please visit: Making the Link

Remembering Cameron on Memorial Day

Some of us survive foster care, and live to make a positive difference for others. Others of us don't make it.

As with many youth in foster care, Cameron Smith was shuttled frequently from placement to placement. He began to fall behind in school. At least one family member contacted DCFS to request custody of Cameron, but their request was denied.

Instead, he was housed in a Juvenile Detention Center for a time, because a foster home could not be found for him.

When the Department of Child and Family Services finally did find a home for Cameron, it was with a single mother who was retired, disabled and caring for 7 children.

14-year-old Cameron was playing basketball with a 15-year-old friend in a park in Jonesboro when shots rang out. The friend was shot in the knee; Cameron took a shot to the torso. He collapsed in front of an apartment complex. His body was found on May 21, 2007.

Many questions were asked by friends and relatives when Cameron's body was found.

His many friends, who showed up at the City Youth Ministries in Jonesboro carrying candles to represent his brief life wondered: "Why him?"

Andrea Smith, his cousin, had harder questions to ask, like: Why wasn't there a missing person's report when 14-year-old Cameron first turned up missing?

Terri Ross, Cameron's third-grade teacher found it hard to believe that only four years after leaving her class, Cameron was now being buried. She said, "He was just an innocent child. All of these are kids and they're just kids in bigger bodies as they get older and they still need hugs and kisses and they still need a mom and dad, or somebody to love them."

Yes, they need someone to love them - and, in foster care, you learn to wait.

Cameron Smith of Jonesboro, Arkansas, will never have the chance to outlast the demons of his childhood.

Knowing that makes me feel terribly sad.

Sources: kait8.com and WMCTV.com

Imaginif Child Protection Site

Imagine if child protection was top priority.

Megan Bayliss, her husband and daughter live in Australia. They are committed to child safety.

In pursui of this goal, they are currently hosting a web page dedicated to the protection of children. Their goal is for this site to become the largest child protection conversation in the world.

Topics include:
- Child Safety
- Parenting
- Family Law
- Foster Care
- Stranger Danger
- Sexual Abuse
- Sexual Assault

The site also hosts a 24-hour Safety Talk Forum.

To learn more, please visit: http://www.imaginif.com.au/