Too Many Children Die in America as a Result of Abuse and Neglect. We Can Do Better.

Every Child Matters has released the second edition of  We Can Do Better: Child Abuse and Neglect Deaths in America, a compelling report that explores the crisis of child maltreatment fatalities in the United States.

A weak economy and resulting state budget cuts are putting even more children at risk, leading to a Growing Crisis in Child Protection.

A series of recommendations were previously proposed during the 2009 Summit to End Child Abuse Deaths in America. Included among them is the observation that "Current levels of federal spending are far below the level needed to protect all children at imminent risk of harm."

The National  Coalition to End Child Abuse Deaths has launched a campaign urging Congress and the Administration to:

1. To conduct Congressional hearings on child abuse deaths
2. To provide emergency funds to stop state cuts in child protective services
3. To adopt a national strategy to prevent child abuse and stop child deaths

This Coalition includes the following partners:

• Every Child Matters 
• National Center for Child Death Review
• National Children's Alliance
• National Association of Social Workers
• National District Attorney's Association

More information about the Coalition, including how YOU can advocate to support their efforts is available at: http://everychildmatters.org/resources/reports/child-abuse-and-neglect

Ohio Children Abused or Neglected, By County

Why Good Will Hunting and I have hard heads

Quote from Good Will Hunting:
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: Why?
Will: Cause f*ck him, that's why.

When I was a child, my father used to grab me by my shoulders, dig his fingers into my arms and throw me up against the wall over and over again.

He was bigger than me and stronger than me.
My voice was the only weapon that I had at my disposal.
So what did I do? I mouthed off:

Quote from Lisa's childhood:
Dad: SLAM!
Me: You're a terrible father.
Dad: SLAM!
Me: You're a bully.
Dad: SLAM!
Me: (having looked up "passive aggressive" in the dictionary) It's very passive-aggressive to take out your anger on a nine-year-old.
Dad: SLAM!

Just this morning, for some odd reason, my husband and I were talking about this. It baffles Nathan that I kept mouthing off.

Quote from this morning's conversation:
Nathan: Why didn't you just shut your mouth?
Me: What I told him was the truth.
Nathan: Yeah, well, you couldn't have picked a less teachable moment.
Me: He was going to hit me anyway.

I could have begged for mercy I suppose. I could have cried. But, in my mind, at the time, that would have made me weak.

And I always knew that I was strong enough to outlast him.

What does this mean to me today?
Well... hopefully I've gotten a little bit smarter about when to speak out and when to be silent!

But I hope that I always stand up for things that matter most to me. I hope I never cower in fear rather than telling the truth about something.

I was never sure what to expect from my father when he walked into a room.

Stop Child Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act 2008

Graph from Maia Szalavitz's article about "The Cult That Spawned the Tough-Love Teen Industry," August 20, 2007.





H.R. 5876 is the first piece of federal legislation seeking to regulate and monitor abusive treatment within teen behavior modification programs in the United States.

Alternately called residential treatment centers, wilderness camps or boot camps, these programs aspire to "reform" teenagers with discipline problems.

However, the treatment that they provide often violates the rights of young people.

Disciplinary measures can include physical or mental abuse, physical restraints and withholding food, water, clothing, shelter or medical care, as a form of punishment. As a result, some teenagers die in these camps, while others emerge with physical and emotional scars.

Jesus Land by Julia Scheeres documents the abuse that she and her adopted brother experienced in a fundamentalist Dominican Republic reform school. Other survivors have been courageous enough to share their experiences in an effort to inspire reform.

The time has come for these programs to be held accountable, and subject to regulation, oversight and standards.

This bill would:
- Prohibit programs from physically, mentally or sexually abusing youth in their care
- Prohibit the denial of essential water, food, clothing, shelter or medical care
- Require that programs physically restrain children only if it is necessary for their safety or the safety of others, and to do so in a way that is consistent with existing federal law on the use of restraints
- Hold the programs accountable by requiring unannounced site inspections at least every two years and imposing civil penalties for up to $50,000 for violations of the law
- Enable parents to file civil action suits if national standards are violated and their child is abused and harmed.

In addition:
- Programs would be required to disclose the qualifications, roles and responsibilities of all staff members
- Staff members would be trained in what constitutes child abuse and how to report it
- Emergency medical care must be made available on-site

This bill is supported by: the Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth and the National Youth Rights Association.

H.R. 5876 has passed committee and will be voted on by the full House of Representatives later this month...

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term describing the uncomfortable tension that may result from:

- Having two conflicting thoughts at the same time
- Engaging in behavior that conflicts with one’s beliefs and self-concept
- Experiencing something that conflicts with everything the person previously “knew” about the world

Cognitive dissonance can be defined as “an internal contradiction.”

We all want to believe that we are good people. So if we do something harmful to another person, we feel that prick of our conscience. Since we cannot live in a state of “cognitive dissonance” for an extended period of time, we have to somehow make it right in our heads.

Our choice is:
- To tell ourselves that what we did wasn’t wrong (denial)
- To tell ourselves that they deserved it (excuses)
- To confess and admit responsibility (best option)

Cognitive dissonance can occur in the minds of neglectful and abusive parents. I can’t tell you how many foster care alumni have come to me and told me about this type of experience.

After being reunited with a parent, a young person might try to tell mom or dad what happened during their time in foster care. Or a young person might say, “Remember that guy you were dating before I left home? Did I ever tell you that he touched me when you weren’t around?”

More often than not, the biological parent will respond, “I don’t want to hear about it.”

Why? Because hearing what happened to their child when that parent was unable or unwilling to care for them sounds like an indictment. They don’t want to look at it. They don’t want to face up to their responsibility in abdicating care for their child.

My father is the perfect example. I rarely saw him during my time in foster care - but when I did, I was always mystified by the fact that he could never look me in the eyes. He always looked away. Later, when I came to him as an adult, to try to tell him some of the things that happened during and after my time in care, including the fact that I experienced rape and homelessness, he didn’t want to hear about it.

He even went so far as to say, “Lisa, we have no way of knowing whether or not those things ever happened to you.”

I had to raise my eyebrows at that comment.

Being the person who experienced those things and survived them, I found it mind-boggling that another person might think that by his denial, he could edit my entire life history, and make those painful experiences no longer exist.

I made up my mind at that moment that I wanted to be a person who could face reality, in all its beauty and all its ugliness, and take full responsibility for my actions.

As a stepmother, if I feel that my reaction to something was wrong, I will go to my husband and stepdaughters and apologize. I will not make excuses for myself — I will just call it what it is: “I have a big mouth sometimes,” and strive to do better.

Sadly, cognitive dissonance can occur in the minds of abuse victims as well. When a parent is the perpetrator, rather than the protector, that clashes with everything that a child instinctively knows.

So, might a child be tempted to do?
- Tell themselves that what the parent is doing isn’t wrong (denial)
- Tell themselves that they deserved it (make excuses for the parent)
- Tell themselves that a parent should be protector, and that the fact that theirs is not, is due that parent’s choice and not a reflection of the child’s worth (best option, but it often takes years for an abused child to recognize this)

The first two reactions can lead to both current and future emotional damage: A child experiencing sexual abuse might try to make sense of the experience by equating the act with love. Later, that same child might grow into an adult who expects abuse from his or her partner.

Now that I advocate for young people in and from foster care, it is so easy for me to see that their parents’ actions are not a reflection of their worth. But, back when I was still in college, it was hardest of all to see that value in myself.

I still remember the moment when I realized that my father’s rejection did not make me unworthy of love. I was reading the quote, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child and I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I left childish ways behind me.”

It occured to me in that moment that if I were ever to grow up, I needed to assert my own worth and not judge myself as unloveable based upon my father’s reaction.

Good Will Hunting
Similarly, one scene from the movie “Good Will Hunting“ has resonated with many foster care/child abuse survivors. Robin Williams (playing Sean, a psychiatrist) is counseling Matt Damon (playing Will Hunting) an abused child.

After holding up pictures of Will Hunting, covered in bruises, the script continues:

Sean: Will, you see this, all this ****?
[Holds up the file, and drops it on his desk]
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: [Softly, still staring off] I know…
Sean: No you don’t. It’s not your fault.
Will: [Serious] I know.
Sean: No. Listen to me son. It’s not your fault.
Will: I know that.
Sean: It’s not your fault.
[Will is silent, eyes closed]
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: [eyes misty with tears] Don’t **** with me Sean. Not you.
Sean: It’s not your fault.
[Will shoves Sean back, and then, hands trembling, buries his face in his hands. Will begins sobbing. Sean puts his hands on Will’s shoulders, and Will grabs him and holds him close, crying]
Will: Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry Sean!
[Will continues sobbing in Sean’s arms]

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Postcard created by an alumna of foster care, as part of an ongoing postcard project by Foster Care Alumni of America.






Sexual Abuse in Foster Care
In the general public, physical abuse of children occurs twice as often as sexual abuse.

Within the foster care system, however, foster care youth and alumni report experiencing sexual abuse at a higher than physical abuse.

While there are no significant gender differences regarding physical abuse or neglect in foster care settings, studies have demonstrated that girls are at greater risk for sexual abuse within the foster care system.

Eighty-five women between the ages of 18-25 years old participated in a study supported by the Orphan Foundation of America:

- 65% of participants reported a history of sexual abuse.
- 35% reported experiencing that abuse during their time in foster care.

Not surprisingly, participicants who experienced sexual abuse both at home and in foster care settings demonstrated the highest rate of self-blame, feelings of betrayal and powerless, and stigmatization.

Fearing the Victim
Foster and adoptive parents are concerned about their ability to meet the needs of these young people. They worry about the risk to other children who live in their homes. They fear being subject to allegations themselves.

Girls with a history of sexual abuse are subject to twice as many placement changes as girls without a history of sexual abuse. They are more likely to be housed in group homes and residential placements.

How to Care for Victims of Sexual Abuse
1.) Close supervision: Children often imitate what they have experienced, and live out what they know. If a child's first introduction to touching was sexual touching, that child might inadvertently pass on the abuse to other children.

2.) Effective sexual education: Young people who have been exposed to too much, too soon, often had the physical experience without truly understanding what was going on. What they do know about sex has been horribly distorted.

3.) Modification of inappropriate behaviors: Victims of abuse need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for physcially relating to other people. Often, their response to touch leaps to polar extremes, between fear and fascination.

4.) Therapeutic attention to the child's deeper unmet needs: It is vital to have a thorough understanding of the young person's history, so that their current behaviors are seen in the context of past trauma and experiences.

Ideally, foster parents would be given the information they need in order to prepare their home. A study funded by the Department of Health showed that in order half the cases, the sexual abuse history of children was not shared with their foster caregavers.

Even in cases where this information was shared, the extent, severity and identity of the abuser was often omitted from the case files.

Source:
(2007) Breno, Anjey and Galupo, M. Paz. Sexual abuse histories of young women in the U.S. child welfare system: A focus on trauma-related beliefs and resilience, Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 2007, Vol. 16 Issue 2, p97-113.

(2003) Farmer, Elaine and Pollock, Sue. Managing sexually abused and/or abusing children in substitute care. Child & Family Social Work, May2003, Vol. 8 Issue 2, p101-112.

Lending A Hand to Worldwide Child Protection

Hands can hurt
and hands can heal.

Hands can be raised in prayer,
raised in agreement
or raised in anger.

A hand can pat you on the back with encouragement,

or it can grip your shoulders and throw you against the wall.

Hands can reach out to you to take something that you can never get back.

But hands can also be instruments of love, comfort and healing.

Hands are being raised across the world in preparation for National Child Protection Week. These hands will be part of an international flag of commitment, pledging to do our part to make the world a friendlier place for children. The flag will fly in Cairns Australia during the week of September 2 - 8, proudly waving handprints from all over the globe.

My hand is raised to pledge my commitment to supporting the needs of people in and from foster care. It represents my vow to advocate for their voice to be heard, and to stand alongside of them, creating a collective voice.

My hand is raised in hope that what has been broken can be rebuilt, and what has been hurt can heal. Sometimes it takes years – but children from fractured families can eventually find a family of their own.

I found my first family in my friends in college and built my second when I married my husband and became a stepmother to his two children. Now, I have a third family in terms of my “siblings,” other alumni of foster care.

Finally, my hand is raised in a plea for balance in making decisions about the futures of young people in foster care. We cannot allow finances to determine child placement. We cannot worship theories, and use one method in every situation – because, with child protection, there is no “one-size-fits-all approach.”

There is no magical formula for families that break down. Sometimes biological parents are willing and able to change. Other times, children who are forced to stay with abusive parents die or are forever scarred -- physically or emotionally -- by their parents' actions. The bottom line is whether or not the child and their siblings are safe.

"Having a place to go – is a home.
Having someone to love – is a family." - Donna Hedges

"A house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul." - Phillip Moffitt

Orphans in Bagdad

Photo from cbsnews.com





Welcome to an orphanage in Bagdad, where 24 special-needs orphans were found tied to cribs.

Originally, boys and girls were housed together, but then someone separated the boys and sent them to an orphanage with no governmental oversight.

Witness their condition:
- Naked
- Starving
- On the concrete floor
- Lying in their own waste
- In temperatures up to 120 degrees

Was the orphanage poor?
No, it was well-stocked with food. The central office of the facility was well-kept, in stark contrast to the feces-ridden squalor surrounding the children. Brand-new cribs found in storage still had plastic covering their unused mattresses. Clothing was folded neatly, designated to be sold at the black market, rather than worn by children.

But the caretaker of the facility followed his greed, rather than caring for the children with whom he had been entrusted. Staff members cooked only for themselves.

What will be the future for Iraqi orphans?
As a CBS reporter has commented, "How a nation cares for its most vulnerable is one of the most important benchmarks for health in any society."

Last year, the United Nations estimated that there were about 40,000 orphan children in Iraq. That number is steadily rising... The current war has cost many children one or both parents.

In Iraqi culture, orphans are often scorned. Islamic sharia law forbids foreigners from adopting Iraqi children. It also disallows Iraqis from giving adopted children their family name and inheritance.

I would like to know if there is any way around this. Even in the best of the Iraqi orphanages, the children within are starving for love and attention, desperate for human contact. During an NBC interview, one little girl called the cameraman "Daddy."

Without loving intervention, these children might grow up to be future terrorists. Quammara al-Janni, coordinator of orphan programs through the Red Crescent (the Arab Red Cross), reminded reporters that Saddam Hussein was raised as an orphan.

Breakdown in families, breakdown in communication
In April 2007, while working to reunite family members, social workers discovered that 100 Iraqi street children thought to be orphans (86 boys, 33 girls) actually had family members somewhere in Iraq who were willing to take them in. In most cases, the parents had died, and children didn't know how to contact relatives.

This might be an important first step to take: Trying to reconnect children with extended family members in Iraq...

Sources:
Engel, Richard. Iraqi orphans face uncertain future. NBC Nightly News, May 26, 2006.
Logan, Lara. Clinging to life in a Bagdad orphanage. CBS News, June 18, 2007.
Potter, Beth. Social workers launch effort to find homes for orphans, others. USA Today, May 31, 2005.
Street orphans of Bagdad: Thousands of homeless kids live on the street in the war zone, without shelter or aid. CBS News, May 8, 2007.
Tarabay, Jamie. Help for Iraqi orphans falls on charities. NPR, April 8, 2007.
Troops discover Iraqi orphanage nightmare. CBS News, June 19, 2007.

If he beats you, he won't make a good Daddy

Photo of Eva Mauldin - I was inspired to write this blog entry after visiting the StarFish blog (please see bottom link on the right)...

It is tragic that some women feel that they must stay with their husband, even if he assaults them, and that they cannot forsee the risk to their children.

19-year-old Joshua Mauldin had been dishonorably discharged from the Army and had a history of mental problems before he married Eva and she gave birth to Ana Marie. Still, Eva never suspected that her husband would put her daughter in the microwave and burn her alive.

The interview with Eva Mauldin revealed that her husband had assaulted her prior to the baby's birth. At the time that Ana Marie was born, Joshua was in counseling, and had completed his mandatory anger management classes. Eva had been required to attend parenting classes as well.

Research from the 90's reveals that domestic violence and child abuse often occur within the same families. Child welfare and domestic violence organizations have begun to recognize the overlap between domestic violence and child abuse and the need for collaborative efforts between the two fields.

Domestic violence perpetrators often directly injure children:
- A weapon used against the mother strikes the child in her arms.
- A child tries to defend the abused parent and winds up becoming the target of the abuser's rage.
- An abuser intentionally abuses a child in order to intimidate and control their adult partner.

Domestic violence hinders parenting:
- The physical demands of parenting are daunting for spouses who have been awake all night fighting.
- The emotional demands of parenting can overwhelm an abused spouse suffering from trauma, damaged self-confidence, and other emotional scars caused by years of abuse.

Domestic violence affects child development:
- Infants can suffer from failure to attach to caregiver and "failure to thrive."
- Preschoolers can regress emotionally, and suffer from nightmares and other sleep disturbances.
- Older children react with depression, anxiety and/or violence towards peers.

To learn more about the overlap between child abuse and domestic violence, please visit: Making the Link

Remembering Cameron on Memorial Day

Some of us survive foster care, and live to make a positive difference for others. Others of us don't make it.

As with many youth in foster care, Cameron Smith was shuttled frequently from placement to placement. He began to fall behind in school. At least one family member contacted DCFS to request custody of Cameron, but their request was denied.

Instead, he was housed in a Juvenile Detention Center for a time, because a foster home could not be found for him.

When the Department of Child and Family Services finally did find a home for Cameron, it was with a single mother who was retired, disabled and caring for 7 children.

14-year-old Cameron was playing basketball with a 15-year-old friend in a park in Jonesboro when shots rang out. The friend was shot in the knee; Cameron took a shot to the torso. He collapsed in front of an apartment complex. His body was found on May 21, 2007.

Many questions were asked by friends and relatives when Cameron's body was found.

His many friends, who showed up at the City Youth Ministries in Jonesboro carrying candles to represent his brief life wondered: "Why him?"

Andrea Smith, his cousin, had harder questions to ask, like: Why wasn't there a missing person's report when 14-year-old Cameron first turned up missing?

Terri Ross, Cameron's third-grade teacher found it hard to believe that only four years after leaving her class, Cameron was now being buried. She said, "He was just an innocent child. All of these are kids and they're just kids in bigger bodies as they get older and they still need hugs and kisses and they still need a mom and dad, or somebody to love them."

Yes, they need someone to love them - and, in foster care, you learn to wait.

Cameron Smith of Jonesboro, Arkansas, will never have the chance to outlast the demons of his childhood.

Knowing that makes me feel terribly sad.

Sources: kait8.com and WMCTV.com

The link between foster care and chemical dependency

According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services;
- 11 percent of American youth live with a parent who abuses drugs or alcohol
- Substance abuse is a factor in 7 out of 10 cases of child maltreatment
- Individuals are often reluctant to enter treatment programs

Sadly, women with children are most apt to resist entering treatment programs for chemical dependency.

Why?
- Because they are embarrassed about needing help
- Because they don’t have childcare
- And, most of all, because they are afraid of losing custody of their children

So, what can be done to help?

Here are some promising initiatives:

1.) At some agencies, substance abuse facilities and child welfare agencies work together (sometimes even residing in the same building) in order to sustain families affects by substance-abusing parents.

2.) Some family drug courts are choosing to mandate substance abuse treatment, in lieu of punishment for parents who use drugs. One example is: http://www.courts.state.ri.us/family/familytreatment.htm

3.) Mother-child residential drug treatment programs keep the family together, and help mothers both overcome their addiction and learn better parenting skills. For more information, please visit: http://www.childwelfare.gov/famcentered/overview/approaches/substance.cfm

In some cases, the parent cannot or will not end their addiction to drugs or alcohol. For this reason, many agencies do concurrent planning. I think this is the best strategy in terms of the future safety of the child.

In concurrent planning, professionals work to reunify the family – while simultaneously preparing a back-up permanency plan for the child, in case reunification efforts fail.

The bottom line is that children need and deserve permanent connections. If one or both parents has a serious addiction, that’s not the child’s fault. Substance-abusing parents often exhibit erratic and abusive behavior, putting a child’s emotional and physical well-being at risk.

Children living in that type of situation often have:
- A diminished ability to concentrate
- Nihilistic or fatalistic orientations toward the future
- Difficulty forming / maintaining emotional attachments
- A proclivity for risk-taking behavior, including the use of alcohol or other drugs later in life.

I have a very dear friend who is 15 years old, and has been in foster care since she was a baby. Her parents simply will not get their act together. If the agency in charge of my friend’s case had utilized concurrent planning when they first took her from her parent’s household, my friend would not still be languishing in foster care today.

Sources
Fenster, Judy. Substance Abuse and Child Welfare: Promising Practices and Ethical Dilemmas. National Resource Center for Family-Centered Practice and Permanency Planning, Spring 2007.

Ohio foster parents under scrutiny

In Ohio, since the death of Marcus Feisel, the state is looking more closely into the criminal records of foster parents, and figuring out how to manage the process of ongoing screening.

Marcus' foster father, David Carroll, had been arrested for domestic violence, but child welfare agencies did not know about it, because the only criminal background check for Ohio foster parents was at their initial certification.

Now, in Hamilton County, foster parents - and anyone over 18 living in their homes - will undergo continuing background checks. .

305 of Hamilton County's 750 foster children are living with parents licensed through the county. Those parents have been or are being checked.

While conducting background checks on their current Hamilton County foster parents, officials discovered that 27 licensed foster parents had been arrested on charges including welfare fraud, assault and domestic violence and child endangering.

Background checks have not yet been conducted on Hamilton County foster parents who are licensed licensed through private agencies.

The county is also working with law enforcement on an 'instant notification system' if a foster parent is arrested. All new foster parents are entered into this system. Current foster parents have 30 days to agree to register, or the county will remove the children from their homes

Another issue is that, throughout the state, communication breakdowns often occur between public and private agencies:

- Counties sometimes place children in private agency foster homes without communicating with private agencies, to make sure that this will be a "good fit" for the child.

- Counties refuse to disclose information to private agencies (e.g. counties refuse to place children with a certain foster family, but won't tell the private agency why).

- Three Ohio counties refuse to fill out dispositional letters for private agencies seeking information about foster parents.

Ohio will soon house all of their information about foster placements in S.A.C.W.I.S. (State Automated Child Welfare Information System).

Every state is "supposed" to have a statewide central registry for foster parents, but few actually have one.

Good news
Private agencies will finally be given the same information that public agencies are given. It will be kept in one place (ODJFS) to avoid having to contact all 88 Ohio counties, in order to find out if a foster parent has allegations against them in another county.

Information-sharing between counties and private agencies that provide foster homes is important because "level of care" is a huge issue.

It is not fair to the foster parents, nor to the children, to place a child with special needs with foster parents who lack the training and expertise to meet that child's needs (e.g. the Gravelles).

In SACWIS:
-Unsubstantiated allegations will be booted after 3 months.
-Indicated allegations will be booted after 5 years.
-Substantiated allegations will be booted from the system after 10 years.

Now, I realize that foster parents can be falsely accused, and that they don't want this to follow them around forever.

However, if a foster parent is accused of physical or sexual abuse of a child, and these allegations are 'substantiated,' should that foster parent have another chance to take in more children 10 years later?

According to state law, a felony conviction will preclude someone from being a foster parent. I know that assault on an adult is a felony conviction. What about assault on a child?

As a former foster child, my primary concern will always be the safety of children.

Sources:
Background checks turn up Ohio foster parent arrests: Child's death spurred closer look at system. Lexington Herald-Leader, March 5, 2007, pg. B3.
Brown, Jessica. Criminal checks get OK: Foster parents have 30 days to agree. Cincinnati Enquirer, March 8, 2007, pg. C1.
Foster parents get ultimatum
Coolidge, Sharon. Allow background checks or lose children, agency orders. Cincinnati Enquirer, March 6, 2007, pg. A1.
McCarty, Mary. Keeping track of foster parents vital. Dayton Daily News, March 8, 2007, pg. A4.