Family Privilege Vs. Experiencing Abuse and Neglect

 This needs to be talked about more often:

Click to enlarge

Trampoline Park with the Kiddos

We spent three hours there. 

Link to more photos. 

Let's keep moving mountains, stone by stone

Loved my time spent with Nikki Chinn painting rocks on Friday, August 2, 2024. 

When the Ohio foster care youth and alumni movement first started in 2006, my signature line was: "It is possible to move a mountain by moving small stones."  These are some of the stones that we are working to move this fall... 

Stay turned for progress on seeking to ensure that youth safety is the North Star, that youth concerns aren't screened out when they reach out to child abuse hotlines, and better protections for youth who run away to escape abusive situations.

Hope is an essential ingredient in advocacy

We do our work with vision. 

And we do our work with hope. 

We who are foster care advocates will have days of disappointment. We will weather waves of grief over those who are lost, and those we worry that we are losing. 

We will also have experiences that fill us with deep, fierce - and, in that moment, fearless - joy. 

There will be times when we are able:

• To witness a wrong that we experienced and be a force in that moment for making things better. 
• To empower the formerly voiceless and listen to the amazing and powerful things that they have to say, and the recommendations and solutions that they have to offer.
• To help plan and facilitate impactful opportunities, and witness the synergy of bringing others together. To see the smiles on their faces and feel the warmth of love fill our heart. 

And so much more. Let those moments imprint themselves upon your heart. Capture them in photographs. Hold them tight in your heart and remember them when a day seems dark and the world feels full of apathy. We - have - hope.

 

Mother's Day 2024

 

Sweet and savory surprise from my husband. 

The necklace is from the kiddos...

And then, a second surprise arrived from Carly and the kiddos:

Cute Kiddos in the Springtime

 

2024 Voyage Ohio Interview

It was an honor to be interviewed recently by VoyageOhio:

Hi Lisa, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today. 

As a childhood victim of abuse, I am honored as an adult to have been a part of successfully advocating for the state of Ohio to establish a Youth Ombudsman Office. I entered foster care at age 11 due to my father’s abusive behavior. My mother had passed away a year earlier when I was 10. She had battled cancer for several years; breast cancer, uterine cancer, and it eventually went to her brain. 

From ages 11-16, I grew up in a series of temporary placements, including an all-girls group home, a co-ed group home, and an emergency shelter. At the time, there was a lack of foster homes available who were willing to foster teens. At age 16, I was accepted into college at the University of Kentucky, where I earned my master’s degree. 

Today, I serve as Communications Chair for ACTION Ohio and co-facilitator of the OHIO Youth Advisory Board. I helped found both organizations in 2006. I am also a founding member and former chair of Ohio Reach, a statewide initiative to increase the number of foster care youth who enroll in and graduate from college. 

In my role, I head up planning for our annual early Thanksgiving dinners for current and former foster youth, as well as other initiatives, including College for the Day, Suits for Success, and Three Days on the Hill. I am currently heading up planning efforts for the 2024 Leadership and Life Skills Summit for Current and Former Foster Youth (ages 14-24). 

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall, and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?

It was an honor to be accepted into college at age 16 by a caring Admissions Counselor named Randy Mills. I was able to go to court and become legally emancipated. The next challenge was facing the adult world without support. This is a struggle shared by many young adults lacking in family privilege – I wasn’t sure who I could count on. I felt most comfortable relying upon myself. 

By age 17, I was homeless. I had allowed a former roommate from a group home to move in with me because I thought that I could rescue her. I knew that I wanted to make a difference for others in and from foster care. I didn’t know that the time that you can’t “rescue” other people, you can only empower them and make sure they know about available resources and how to access them. It was a bad choice to allow her to move in with me. She never paid rent, refused to engage in work or school, stole money from me, and her actions caused us to become evicted. 

Despite being homeless, I remained enrolled in college and kept going to classes. They were a source of stability and the only way I knew to build my future. My belongings were stored in a storage unit that I paid for with the Social Security check that I received monthly between ages 16-18 due to my mother’s passing. I was able to save up money to move into a Methodist dorm on campus, the UK Wesley Foundation. 

By age 18, I was safe and settled at the dorm. Fellow residents became my first family. They cared about me, challenged me, and helped me learn about healthy boundaries. With their peer support, I returned to each of my former placements to support and encourage foster youth. 

During the several months that I was homeless, the two biggest challenges were figuring out where to sleep and where to bathe. I became very creative at both tasks. I slept in college libraries while sitting in a study cubby, for example. Today’s homeless and housing-insecure youth remain near to my heart. 

As part of the OHIO YAB and ACTION Ohio’s annual trips to Washington D.C. for Three Days on the Hill, between 2013-2020, participating youth were empowered to write the Fostering Stable Housing Opportunities Act which is now a federal law. The work of foster care youth and alumni during seven years of D.C. visits laid the foundation for FYI on-demand housing vouchers. I am deeply thankful to have been a part of this work. 

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?

I work 60-80 hours per week. I have a paid 40-hour-a-week job in which I serve as a Youth Services Librarian. I love this work — and I love the 20+ hours that I spend weekly volunteering my time to improve foster care outcomes. 

The Overcoming Hurdles in Ohio Youth Advisory Board is a statewide organization of young people (aged 14-24) who have experienced foster care. The OHIO YAB exists to be the knowledgeable statewide voice that influences policies and practices that impact youth who have or will experience out-of-home care. In the state of Ohio, it is the youth themselves who identify policy areas to address. Current statewide priorities as identified by Ohio foster care youth and young adults are Child Safety and Protection, Life Skills and Resource Knowledge, Normalcy and Emotional Support, and Youth Voices in Court and Elsewhere. 

Alumni of Care Together Improving Outcomes Now Ohio (ACTION Ohio) is dedicated to improving outcomes for current and former foster care youth. We are a volunteer organization, and our membership is primarily comprised of former foster youth, ages 18+, with no age cap. We make it possible for today’s teens and young adults, in and from foster care, to share their insights regarding local, state, and national policy. We have been able to orchestrate college visits, statewide conferences, and Self Care Summits for current and former foster youth. By facilitating annual Thanksgiving dinners, we provide peer support and a sense of family. During our 2023 Thanksgiving Together events, we even had a cloth tree with fabric leaves that participants could sign, and their leaves were ironed on to be a part of our Chosen Family. 

What’s next?

We are currently preparing to host the 2024 Leadership and Life Skills Summit for current and former foster youth ages 14-24. This will be Ohio’s first statewide foster youth conference since 2019. We are deeply grateful to have made it beyond the pandemic and to have support to host this year’s event. 

Lived experience will be prioritized in event planning and facilitation. In the spirit of youth leadership, every workshop will include youth voice in the development of content to be presented. Foster care alumni ages 24+ will also be invited to co-facilitate workshops and other activities. 

During the Summit, one room will be set aside for Suits for Success. There will be volunteers on hand to show youth how to tie their first tie. Young people in and from foster care will be able to keep the suits and wear them as needed for job interviews and other important life events. 

So far, we have received 300 brand-new clothing donations for young men and are currently preparing to do a clothing drive for young women. We are also looking for an additional donation of storage space here in Columbus, Ohio. Our current storage location is at capacity with the men’s clothing donations, which exceeded our expectations in the best and most beautiful way possible.

Contact Info:

• Website 
• Youtube

Early Valentine's from the Hubby

 Red plates, cups and bowls... My favorite color!

Four Things I Didn't Know - And One Thing I Did

1.) How severe can a flu be?

When I received the results of the rapid test, and it said "Influenza A," that literally meant nothing to me: 

• I don't recall ever having the flu before. 
• I thought it was just another word for a cold or virus. 
• I didn't know that flu symptoms and severity can be comparable to COVID:

2.) How long can a fever last?

After leaving work early due to sudden onset of sickness, I had my husband take my temperature. I was surprised that it was 99 degrees, particularly since my everyday temperature runs lower than the norm. I am rarely cold, but I spent several days shivering uncontrollably. I didn't expect to experience fevers every day for four days in a row.

3.) How much can coughs hurt?

I am no stranger to upper respiratory infections, and I've struggled with prolonged laryngitis before. During this flu, I found myself coughing until tears streamed from my eyes, feeling the rhythm of pain in my upper chest and coughing up blood.  

4.) How long does the flu last?

Still waiting that one out. 

5.) But there was one thing I did know and do know:

My husband deeply loves me.  He, too, has the flu, but a lesser variant than mine. He's always had a stronger immune system. And he had a recent flu vaccine, which might be lessening his symptoms. He had recently insisted upon an impromptu romantic dinner with me (his workaholic wife), which is undoubtedly - and ironically - where we both caught the flu. 

During our sickness, he has been a champ among men. Grocery runs. Making soup. Cuddles and comfort. All the things. My favorite moments have been cuddling up on the couch watching Looney Tunes cartoons together, in between coughing bouts. Grateful to have him in my life.

Christmas with Carly and the Kiddos

Link to photos.

Ginger-Kiddos

Just two more days...

Birthday Breakfast

Imprint Podcast: Making Holiday Traditions for Foster Youth

John Kelly of the Imprint came to Central Ohio Thanksgiving Together this year, and interviewed me on his podcast afterwards. 

Here's the link: (it starts with national updates, and Ohio-specific stuff starts at the 20 minute mark)

Hubby Love ~ On His Birthday

At the risk of sounding incredibly corny, my husband literally is the moon of my life, and I'm his sun and stars. Below is the Steaksgiving Dinner he made for me on Thanksgiving, along with the red door he recently surprised me with...

It's nice to come home to him at the end of each day...

The struggle of never quite feeling worthy of love

Two things stood out to me about this year's Thanksgiving Together events...

1. ) I love that My Very Own Blanket created trees for both dinners, so that participants could sign their leaf and be ironed on, and more leaves could be added each year. 

 Two quotes stood out to me from this weekend: 

• "We might not have our families, but we have this family."
• "This is the one time a year that I feel safe and secure and like I belong."
  
  

2. The other was what Jenny Stotts wrote on her leaf about being worthy of love. She wrote: "You are worthy of love, not for your doing. You are worthy of love simply because of your being."  

That is a tough one for me, and I know that it is for many of my siblings of foster care care system as well. We have learned at an early age that love, support and safety are not guaranteed. We have weathered neglect, abuse, and lack of affection. 

While entering into young adulthood, it can feel like we have to earn EVERYTHING. Even after all these years, and all this work, it is still far too easy to end up homeless after foster care. 

I love that our Chosen Family Tree keeps growing, and that we can continue to work together for better. I think we are going to have to remind one another that love isn't contingent on being perfect as well. 

I write this as someone who aged out of foster care early. I was admitted into college at age 16, and legally emancipated. I was homeless within a year. I moved into a Methodist dorm for cheap rent, and ended up finding my first family. 

But even after that, when I finished graduate school and got my first job, I couch-surfed for a while until I could afford my own apartment. Transitions aren't easy. Lack of family support doesn't just go away. 

Signing off with a quote that resonated with me in college, and that I still (often) have to remind myself of today: 

“When I was young, I thought that I had to be perfect for people to love me. I thought that if I ever did something wrong, their love would be withdrawn…

We need to give ourselves permission to be human, to try and to stumble, to be momentarily weak and to feel shame but to overcome that shame with moments of strength, courage and generosity.” -H. S. Kushner, You Don’t Have to Be Perfect To Be Loved.

Just as pain comes into our lives through relationships, healing does as well.

Click to enlarge image:

 

Housing vouchers for foster youth - and the role of youth in designing them

Thankful that the provisions we designed continue to make a difference. Ohio foster care youth and alumni volunteered our time to travel to Washington D.C. from 2013-2020:

a.) To work with federal legislators to author and advocate for the passage of the Fostering Stable Housing Opportunities Act

b.) To meet with HUD to design the Foster Youth to Independence Initiative

Deeply grateful for Ruth Anne White and her tireless support of FSHO and FYI, and her dedication to remind others about the role of youth in making these provisions happen. 

When it comes to federal and state provisions designed for foster youth by foster youth, there can be a willful forgetfulness that happens over time. 

It is often up to us to chart and remember those pages in history. 

2023 Self Care Summit for Foster Youth and Alumni

Link to more photos.

September is Self-Care Awareness Month, and the OHIO YAB and ACTION Ohio partnered with Hope Valley and the Ohio Supreme Court to facilitate a self care retreat for current and former foster youth (ages 14-24).

The 2023 Self Care Summit for Ohio Foster Care Youth and Alumni took place on Friday, Sept. 8, 2023 at the Hope Valley Retreat Center, 4560 Gratiot Rd SE, Newark, OH 43056. We are grateful to the Ohio Supreme Court for sponsorship, Hope Valley for hosting, adult supporters for transporting youth, and to two CSCC professors for facilitating self-care activities. 

We received RSVPs from Allen, Athens, Belmont, Cuyahoga, Franklin, Hamilton, Lawrence, Licking, Lorain, Perry, and Van Wert counties. 

Extending foster care supports to age 23

One thing on my Wish List is for the state of Ohio to extend foster care supports to age 23.  

As former foster youth, at some of the proudest moments in our lives, like college graduation or getting a new job out of state, we are often thrust back into the same uncertainty that plagued us before and during foster care. 

Where will we live?  It can be difficult to cover rent at where we are currently staying, plus moving expenses, plus rent, deposit, etc. at the next location. It’s a very scary and precarious time.

Extending foster care supports to age 23 would provide a longer runway of support to young adults with a foster care history who are seeking to survive and thrive in Ohio.