Thoughts on Director Comey's Testimony

It might sound weird to say this - but when I hear Former FBI Director Comey giving his legislative testimony, all I can think is that I wish I had someone like him for a father.

He is a Boy Scout of a man. He makes unpopular decisions based on his own integrity.

I would have loved to have had a father like that.

PS: 

Foster Care and Superpowers

Message to today's young people who are currently transitioning from foster care into young adulthood:

• It's part of the healing process to remember and think through the memories of what we have each experienced before, during and after foster care
• During that process, we ALSO have to move forward to survive
• So, PART of our brain as a young adult who has experienced foster care is focused on immediate existence and future practicalities
• While the OTHER part is sorting through the past, and finding ways to heal 

I'm not saying that this is easy - because it really isn't. But it is necessary to survive. And the aftereffect for those of us who make it is often super-resiliency.

By super-resiliency, I mean that: "I am like a weed. You can put me down anywhere, and I will likely find a way to survive -  and more than that - I will find some element of joy there. I will find a way to be happy and move forward."

 #AfterEffectOfHealingAfterFosterCare

Definition of Stewardship

It is a great big beautiful thing to create something new, but the next step is to maintain it, year after year - because the need doesn't change based on current popularity.

Sometimes, the maintaining part bumps up against behind-the-scenes complications and all kinds of crazy politics. But we can, and will, and MUST overcome them.

And that's the definition of a weird word called "stewardship."  To be a "steward" means: the careful and responsible management of what has been entrusted to you.

We need a better word for this. Steward sounds sort of like sewage. It's not a sexy word at all.

Let's talk about other words that might better express the heart behind this effort:

- commitment
- consistency
- conscientiousness
- vision
- purpose
- responsibility

We need to talk about what it means to be in this for the long-haul.

Underpromise and Overdeliver

My husband has a saying: "Underpromise and overdeliver" -- and I can't tell you how valuable that principle is when it comes to foster care advocacy.

Our young people have experienced enough broken promises in their lives

We need to be the kind of people who KEEP our promises, and who are very careful to gauge our commitments before saying yes, so that we can truly live up to what we commit to do ❤️❤️❤️

And, if a challenge comes up that might limit our availability, our responsibility is to let others know as soon as possible.

#EndRant

Foster care is a bipartisan issue

I am heart-happy about Ohio's fifth annual Three Days on the Hill. ❤️❤️❤️

One thing really amazed and encouraged me during this year's trip to DC:

I had been anticipating and worrying that the growing political divide in our country might negatively impact our legislative visits

But there was NO difference at all between our visits with Republican vs. Democratic offices:

- They both saw foster care as a bipartisan issue.
- They both understood that our young peope who "age out" of foster care just want to build positive and productive futures
- They both totally *got* that helping a young person succeed in college/workforce meant a future taxpayer later on

When we talked about youth aging out of foster care without a savings account to afford housing... former foster youth needing to pay rent a year in advance due to having no co-signer... former foster youth being asked to pay hundreds of dollars to stay in a dorm (their only home!!) during campus breaks...

This was eye-opening to ALL offices. And they cared and were receptive to our proactive suggestions of solutions.

I agree with these recent quotes from Dan Rather:

"Now is a time when none of us can afford to remain seated or silent. We must all stand up to be counted. History will demand to know which side were you on."

He references the Declaration of Independence: 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

And then he adds:

"These truths may be self-evident but they are not self-replicating. Each generation has to renew these vows... the direction of our ship of state has not always been one of progress. We interned Japanese Americans, Red Baited during the McCarthy era, and more. I feel the rip tide of regression once again swelling under my feet. But I intend to remain standing."

Top Priority for 2017

Improving long-term outcomes for young people in and from foster care <3 span="">

Let's start from there - settle for nothing less - and then move backwards.

Creating learning experiences for foster youth

Do you remember being a teen, and those specific experiences that, at the time, seemed like the most important moment in the world?

This very interesting research study demonstrates that: 

1.) Teens are better at learning from "reinforcement learning" than adults are

2.) Teens engage both the hippocampus (memory) and striatum (decision-making) regions of their brains at the same time, while adults tend to alternate between using one or the other

3.) Therefore, the experiences that teens have are rich with opportunities to create memories and educate them on making future decisions

The researchers’ conclusion was that the adolescent period of risk-taking and impulsive decision-making may be especially beneficial because it improves our reinforcement learning.  In simplest terms, reinforcement learning is making a guess, being told whether you’re right or wrong, and using that information to make a better guess next time.

http://www.refinery29.com/2016/10/125309/teen-memory-impulsive-brain-effect

As we work to ‘make memories’ for foster youth, this is a great reminder that teens are particularly sensitive to and responsive to the experience of the moment. 

In our interactions with teens, we have the opportunity to provide learning opportunities that can shape their understanding of the world. 

Supporting our brothers and sisters of the foster care system

Sometimes our siblings of the foster care system try to put on a brave face and not show the world that they are struggling - right up until the moment that all the dominos fall down. (this is something that I did after aging out)

When that happens, we need to figure out the best way to help them. Not just for the moment, but building a way to succeed in the future:

1.) Are they connected with statewide and local resources that could help them in this situation?

2.) Have they reached out to local and statewide resources and asked for help?

3.) Do they have a local support network - and if so, are there ways that we could advise that support network to do specific things to help them?

Quick Tips for Youth Aging Out of Foster Care

Thinking about some of the top things I wish someone had told me when I first aged out of foster care:

1.) Give your best to each day, every opportunity,  and the moment at hand and focus on building your future ‪
#‎yourfuturematters‬ ‪
#‎withoutafuturehowcanyouhelpothers‬

2.) There are and will always be some people in your life that will try to bring you down. Do your best to safeguard yourself against the haters and surround yourself with those who truly care and want you to succeed.

‪#‎whenhelpingyouishurtingme‬
‪#‎youcanforgiveothersandstillstaysafefromfutureharm‬

3.) It's okay to struggle while navigating through the unknown.  Common sense doesn't really exist - it's just something that somebody's parents took the time to tell them. It's okay to *not know* the things that nobody ever took the time to tell you.

Don't blame yourself for not knowing -- just seek to learn from it, and strive to pave a pathway for others to succeed when someone finally cares enough to take the time to give you a roadmap

4.) Please remember to thank those who help you along the way. Saying thank you is an essential part of advocacy.

Thanking those who help us when we need the most can re-energize them to help others in the future.

Need to find a way to celebrate and support former foster youth who graduate college and grad school

It can be incredibly disheartening for former foster youth to work so hard to earn a degree, and then be immediately be reminded of their lack of family privilege immediately upon college/grad school graduation.

Because they still aren't sure how to fund moving expenses and future housing and food costs after graduation -- even when they are offered amazing jobs.

This can feel terribly overwhelming without family support.

I still remember what it was like after I graduated with my Masters degree from the University of Kentucky. Thankfully, the Ohio workplace that hired me was willing to pay my moving expenses.

Even then, I couldn't afford an apartment right away, so I slept on the floor of a friend of a friend in Columbus for the first 2-3 months. She let me keep my stuff in her basement, until I had saved up enough for an apartment.

 I remain altogether grateful for both of these two privileges: moving expenses covered by future workplace, and having a floor to sleep on.

Not former foster youth gets those two things after college/grad school graduation.

Ohio needs a statewide hotline for foster youth and alumni

If California can do it, why can't we?

Still keep thinking about how great it would if there was one statewide number that youth could call...

Foster Care Youth and Alumni Hotline
#StaySafe
#GetConnected

The #StaySafe element would be to invite youth who are thinking about running away and/or experiencing abuse in their bio homes, foster placements or group homes/juvie/residential facilities.

The #GetConnected element would be to support youth who have "aged out" of foster care and are currently facing challenging circumstances.

Most county hotlines are not youth friendly, if you are a young person calling in to get help.

1.) There can be long wait times

2.) The current people taking youth calls tend to vary between:
- those who truly care
- those who are paid to care
- those who don’t care

3.) The staff member answering the call might be:
- a staff member on call who can’t be bothered
- a staff member who has a script and reads it with all the compassion of a telemarketer
- a staff person who does not work with youth and is not youth friendly

4.) The county/private agency often has a vested interest in covering themselves
We’ve had youth who run away from abusive foster placements – they call their local hotline for help – and are placed back in that same abusive home – then run away again

Learning more about Mobility Mapping, thanks to the Dave Thomas Foundation

The Dave Thomas Foundation's adoption model is based on making sure that youth come first when it comes to adoption decisions.

They firmly believe that it’s most important to listen to each youth’s experience, history and needs.

Their program focuses on finding permanency for youth who are most at risk of “aging out” of foster care (older youth, sibling groups, minority groups, children who have been in foster care for a long time, and/or have experienced a previous failed adoption).

Mobility mapping is a relaxed and informal method of exploring a young person’s history, in order to identify people and relationships that might provide permanency.

To avoid re-traumatizing young people, facilitators are encouraged to encourage often, and to redirect away from painful and negative memories.

 Sample questions might include:

• Who in your family might know other relatives’ last names? 
• Who in your family would be the person who would be most likely to coordinate family reunions? 
• Creating maps of where the young person lived at certain times in their lives, and the person / people in their life at that time that they trusted. 

 Mobility mapping always includes safety conversations: 

• Youth are invited to use marker to identify the people they feel safe with 
• And to repeat this with a different color marker to mark the people they do NOT feel safe with 
• At that point, young person (him or herself) is empowered to identify the people from the safe list that they would want to reconnect with

Mobility mapping also encourages youth to identify their own greatest needs:

• "What five things are missing from your life right now?"
• "What are the top five things you need - they can be people, things, or unanswered questions."
• Youth can rank those top things in order based on most to least importance. 

If you suspect child abuse or neglect, report it

Reasons why being a mandatory reporter of abuse matters:

1. Mandatory reporting matters for kids who are victims.
If no one cares enough to report it, the abuse will continue. They will be emotionally traumatized, and often physically scarred. They could even die.

2. Mandatory report is worth it for the cases in which the child is being abused, but it is deemed by those in power that there is "insubstantial" proof.

Certain types of neglect and abuse are difficult to "substantiate" Because there is no physical evidence. That doesn't mean that child or teen is not worth advocating for... And it's still worth taking the time to call.

If and when you do call to report suspected child abuse or neglect, be prepared for the following:

• Some of the hotlines are not adequately staffed. You might be on hold for a very long time. 
• Sometimes the staff member who answers might not seem very responsive or helpful.
• Sometimes it takes three or more separate calls for anyone to do anything to protect that child.  

There are so many young people for whom I wish someone had cared enough to notice and report their abuse sooner.

Taking the time to report suspected neglect and/or abuse can help improve that child's current experience - and possibly save his or her life.

 ‪#‎IfYouSeeChildAbuseReportIt‬‬ ‪
#‎TheYoungPersonMatters‬‬

Tough Love, Gentle Love... and Speaking the Truth in Love

Some people are all about "tough love" - but I tend to lean towards gentle love.  I remember what it was like to experience abusive treatment before and during my time in the foster care system.

I have all too clear memories of the trauma I felt, and the goofy things I did during my teenage years and young adulthood. That, to me, means I should likely try to extend that young person some grace.

But I also know that the people who truly helped me GROW were those who were brave enough to tell me what I needed to work on. So that means that I also need to tell the truth, even when it feels awkward and uncomfortable - and even if the person lashes out at me - with the overall GOAL of supporting that young person both now and in the long run.

#ACTION

Housing continues to the biggest unmet need for young people "aging out" of foster care

Mapping out our mission and our boundaries

Whenever foster care youth, alumni and allies come together and make a difference -- that is altogether GREAT with me.

I truly believe that we are indeed Better Together.

The only time you will ever see my walls of protection rise is when I worry that foster care youth and alumni efforts might be at risk of being hijacked by outside interests.

Please expect Mama Bear to come out at that time.

Or, as Galdolf says it:

Needing something so badly you don't know how to get it

How do I make healthy connections? 
What does it look like when relationships slowly build over time? 

As foster care youth, we often lack that secure base of knowing that someone will always love us and be there for us.

Walking around without that comfort and reassurance is like walking around with a missing piece inside.

This is an unmet need that we live with every day, until we are able to establish safe, secure, and lasting relationships in our lives.

Because we grow up lacking the security of that connection, I've noticed that foster youth can sometimes go to extremes: trusting either too quickly or too slowly.

It's ironic - this sense of needing something so badly that you don't know how to get it.

Ohio Child Welfare Challenges